Heather said it better than I can.

So much to post…  So much to tell.  So much has happened, but I’m strong-arming my way through Gershenson’s Apollo the Wolf-god where I’m suddenly aware of Who I’m looking for in all the names and masks.  I get it now.  I really, really get it.  I’ve found Him.

And all I can think is now the hard work begins…

More to come.  I need to sit with it all a little longer before I start talking too much.  I’m just too excited to keep quiet about it.

At some point yesterday I decided to talk about piety, obligation, and duty to all involved in my world…

Unpacking Piety

You were the shadow looming over me at night.  Now You are the name I call to to chase off the shadows. You were what chased me.  Now You patiently wait.  You were everything I avoided.  Now I search for You everywhere.

How You went from devil to savior is a mystery.  You slithered in, a Snake through the cracks.  But here You are, some strange creature who pretends to be a man.  Sometimes when I’m not fully looking, I think perhaps I see fear in Your gaze as if I’m now the shadow that chases You.

And it makes me wonder who has changed more: You or me?

Heather Freysdottir has put out a fantastic book in which she tells the story of her relationship with Loki. I’m not even all the way through it yet, but I highly recommend it already.

This week a friend asked me if there was anything I wanted to ask over her morning coffee with Odin.  There are points in my life where I ask others, because even as someone who has developed the set of skills needed to listen to the Gods I still have moments of discernment voids.  The answer to my question was Focus on yourself.

This is the message I’ve been getting for 6 months now, and it comes back to me each time a little less patient.  This isn’t the answer I want, and until recently I fought it a little more than I probably should have.  I’m a mother.  I’m a teacher.  I’m a wife.  I’m a woman, which more often than not means society places the role of caretaker upon me.  And most days I’m entirely content to be one.

Focusing on myself isn’t something I have a lot of time for.

Focusing on myself isn’t something I’m comfortable doing, because focusing on myself means that I have to actually sit in deep silence and examine the dark things lurking in the shadows, or to be honest I have to force myself to just do the daily crap I don’t want to do…  Which that alone probably has some sort of ugliness attached to it lurking in a corner some where.

But this command has more meaning than that.  I’ve been pushing hard to try to work within the confines of what I think I should be doing and what I know is needed in the communities I’m in…  And at the end of the day, I find myself wondering how long I can keep up with that before I burn myself out on it.

We return, yet again to the Delphic Maxim of Know Thyself…  

Instead of writing, I’ve been playing with metal.  The pendant above is a piece I made this afternoon in sterling silver.  I keep eyeing it, trying to decide if I’m going to keep it or sell it…  I don’t see myself as particularly Heathen, but I do at the same time anymore.

I’ve been doing much research on who my Ancestors were and where they’ve come from.  The answer to this question is that I’m more English than I would have ever thought possible, but also that all German ancestry goes back to the Rhineland (unless it actually goes back to Norway, which is another can of worms that I’m just not ready to open)…

Which a few of you out there know is where the scholarly side of my interest has fallen in the last 6 months or so, and to be honest I’m sad I didn’t know enough about it years ago when people told me I had to focus on one cultural tradition over the other.  That’s not how history worked.

Things happen for a reason.  Blood calls to blood.  These are 2 things I hold as truths.

So I’m about.  I am as well as to be expected.  I am getting ready in the fall months to take my grandmother around the Missouri River Valley to visit the graves of our Ancestors that she’s never had a chance to visit, and trying to rally up some interest in trying to get someone to take care of an orphan cemetery that holds the bodies of Civil War veterans and their kin.  I am making jewelry, because I’m finally at a place in my life where I can it again.

I’m focusing on myself.  Because if Odin has to tell me one more time to worry about myself, I have a feeling it will come in the form of physically manifesting to hit me over the head with something or possibly a natural disaster.  I’d rather avoid that.

At Apollon’s request, I will be offering oracle on the 7^th of each month in His honor.

I currently do not use any oracle tools nor do I channel. I simply interpret what I get told. So if you’re looking for someone who uses something more concrete, that is understandable, and I will happily make suggestions on others to go to should you decide you are in need. I reserve the right to use another form of oracle in the future should I be led to it, and in that case I will be sure to let you know what I’ve drawn in the event you wish to interpret it yourself.

I will be taking up to 5 readings during these sessions.

I do ask that you consider a free-will donation in trade for this service should you have an oracle done by me, to be given after. This year I will be using donations to help meet my student loan payments, which by the end of the year will allow me to go back to college in hopes of serving our community.  All donations beyond the cost of my payments (which is very low monthly) will be spread out in our community to help others with medical bills.

However, He has made it known to me that He will accept digital copies of art and original prayers, released in creative commons for non-commercial, non-altered usage. All rights of ownership with remain with you, but I will be showcasing your work on this blog and would love to talk more about you as an artist and/or writer. This will be only for the 7^th oracles that I offer this.

I will not be answering questions related directly to if Apollon is seeking you as a godspouse. I believe that He is more than capable of making this desire known, and I leave that in His hands.  However, if this comes up in my talk with Him, I promise not to leave it out of my message to you.

Finally, occasionally I get nothing as a response to the question. If that is the case, I will simply let you know with my apologies. This is one of the reasons why, in this case, I am asking for the trade of labor (art, prayers, money) afterward.

So with all of that said, if you would like an oracle done, please leave me a message here. I will leave you a message with my email address in it, so that you may contact directly with your question. I will do my best to answer your question by the end of the day on the 7^th, but depending on my health and household it may take up to 48 hours beyond the 7^th.

This was my first month of having all the placements filled.  Thank you for the impressive patience of those waiting for emails.  My next call will be published on July 4th.

For those of you patiently (or, hey, impatiently is cool too; I understand) waiting for oracle answers from me, they will be in your mailbox by tomorrow at 3pm central at the very latest.  I threw out my back at the beginning of the month, and then the storms coming through the Midwest left me with an almost daily migraine (which the post-migraine symptoms are the worst).

For those waiting to see your entries for the Agnon for Apollon put up, that should also be coming this week!

For those waiting for replies to email, I hope to see those done tomorrow as well.

For those of you waiting for a blog post with some content to it…  I’ll get to that as well asap.