Okay, I was off about my return to blogging. I still have so much to write about, but it seems that all of my energy goes into working lately. While I am capable of working a full-time job (or two hours shy of it) in retail, I much preferred the days where I was working around 18. Yes, right now I really, really need the money. But I am just so, so, very tired. I score 100% introversion on the Meyers-Brigg personality test (INFPs represent!). I’m what psychology calls a “highly sensitive person.” I’m a clairvoyant empath. I’m really not surprised that I’m flat out exhausted and too burnt out right now to create anything from jewelry to writing to simply cooking like I used to.

Thank goodness for Pagan Blog Prompts! Just when I’m feeling utterly complacent and unexpressive, I get this email in my mailbox:

As the Wheel moves from the dark chilly winter into the brighter and cool spring, what seeds are you planting?

This could be literal seeds (herbs and veggies for your personal or community garden), or figurative (as in changes in yourself or your life and surroundings).

The seeds you plant now, when nurtured and fed, will define the harvest you reap in the Fall….

Well, let me tell you… Haha. There are BIG changes coming up in my life. Huge ones. Exciting ones! The whole thing about how your life can change in a blink of an eye is all too true. It can. It will.

Sadly these are changes that will keep me from gardening this summer, but I suppose that will be okay.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but long ago I defaulted on my student loans due to my inability to work and my pride in not allowing anyone to help me take care of them. This has actually been a slightly hidden blessing, because honestly I’ve not known what I want to do when I “grow up.” So technically it’s caused me from gaining a lot more debt since I’ve not been able to afford to go back to school, which would have resulted in me jumping from one side of the spectrum to another to another in majors, most likely wasting a lot of time and money trying to figure it out.

Not that I didn’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. It was just that I wanted to, you know, explore my options of what I wanted to be doing. It’s not always easy to accept what your calling is, I guess. Ministry if you’re wondering, but I digress…

This brings me to last month while I was doing my taxes. I knew I had refunds from both federal and state coming, but I also knew that it was going to get taken to pay off some of my student loans. That was fine, because if they didn’t take it I was going to give it to them anyway just to get that monkey off my back. What I didn’t expect was that it was going to pay off my entire defaulted student loan. To the dollar. Not a penny less or a penny more.

For those that don’t believe in the magic of everyday life or the hand of the Divine working directly with mankind in our present time, I give the above example of why you may want to reconsider your point of view. (Though I doubt you are reading this, because my friends that read this are typically like-minded.) I genuinely, positively, and completely feel that this act has not only been divine intervention, but also a reward for all the work I’ve done to get to this exact place in my life in recent years.

What does it all mean? It means I’m going back to school! After careful consideration and a very honest evaluation of what my temperament and physical limitations are, I decided that perhaps working in the rainforest doing ethnobotany wasn’t going to work out for me. Plus it wouldn’t be the best option for having a family, since I want that in my future very, very much. Sorry I can’t come to your soccer game, honey, but Mommy has to go study with a shaman in French Guiana.

So we came back to ministry and religious studies. I knew this is what I’m supposed to be doing six years ago. Funny how it’s taken me this long to come full circle and fully accept this calling. My stubbornness and ability to fight what I’m supposed to be doing tooth and nail is quite expansive.

Anyway, this decision seemed to come at an odd time. My boyfriend had applied to two universities for grad school – The University of Missouri Columbia and some place in Oklahoma City that I refused to move to. Well, he got into UofM a couple weeks ago.

Another weird coincidence? Well, two actually… UofM had become my first choice for college because their religious studies program looks like it’s right up my alley.

Secondly, my family, which means the world to me, all live within an hour-and-a-half from there if not directly in Columbia. You see, I’m from Missouri originally, but we moved when I was three to Iowa.

Iowa that I’m sick and tired of. Iowa that is freezing to the point it makes me hurt. Iowa that feels like I’ve grown out of like some pair of pants. None of my close friends live here anymore, and even if they did I’d be two hours away from them.

This isn’t to say that I’m going to live in Missouri forever. In fact if I end up as an interim minister within the Unitarian Universalist Association, most likely I’ll be apt to move every few years for a while. But until it’s time to go to divinity school, I am going to be so thrilled to call Missouri my home.

I was quick to call my mother and tell her the news. She was quick to decide she too was moving home. This takes a lot of weight off my shoulders, because at some point she and I are going to be miles and miles apart. I’m more comfortable with the thought of her being close to her mother and sisters than in Iowa alone. Even if she’s not really alone here, but in my mind she is since she’ll have no family here. Family, after all, is so very, very important – Be it biological or of choice.

So, long story short, there it is. So much to say, but not enough time or energy. So much to do and having to force myself to do it despite the fact I’d rather be napping.

Tell me what you have been up to!

In the last few years I’ve gained weight. A lot of weight. I flip-flop between being very comfortable in my own skin and wanting to trade it in for a newer, smaller, possibly more fuel-efficient model. Perhaps that’s a subject for another blog post, though. Why I’m talking about the size of my butt is this – Gaining weight caused my feet to get bigger by a half size!

I am the proud owner of a fine collection of shoes that are simply too small for me. I have been bemoaning this for quite some time. I have been shoving my feet into shoe after shoe and sometimes enduring pain in the quest of cute shoes.

Why? Why am I doing this? It’s some sort of sick dance that keeps me from being happy and okay with myself after all. It’s a freaking shoe size! It’s not even something someone will look at and go “That’s bad for your health.” And for those of you wondering, my feet are (amusingly enough) now a very average size 9. They have by no means grown to clown-shoe proportions, and really the only thing I should be whining about is the fact that all the good shoes are sold out by the time I get to the sale.

Then this evening I had a little moment of clarity – Something I’ve seemed to be lacking in lately. As I was grumping to myself about finally getting the point of giving up on discomfort and donating my old shoes to those that can get some actual use out of them, I had a thought cross my mind. I paused, took a deep breath, and suddenly I found the words “My growing feet just mean more of me can touch the Earth as I walk on it.”

Pardon my language, but I feel as if I’ve just gotten a spiritual bitch-slap from the Goddess herself! Just a little reminder that I need to stop fretting over the things that don’t really matter so I may focus on the things that actually do. Don’t we all? But how many of us practice mindfulness to the point of being able to do so? When we get into a cycle of worrying do we even notice that we are doing so? Can we make a point to recognize what we are doing and stop?

I work retail currently. The other day a customer informed me, in a rather nasty manner, that I needed to be friendlier. I allowed it to ruin my entire day and the next it was still bothering me. You see, I pride myself on being friendly and cheerful no matter what at work. I might be on my very last nerve and in blinding pain, but I smile, laugh, and carry on to a point that the first time I was snarky (a good nine months after starting my job there) my co-workers expressed shock.

I call it my “rat reaction.” You see, when rats aren’t feeling well and are suddenly feeling threatened, they act completely fine. If you poke at a sick rat, it’s going to appear not to be sick anymore. If you tick me off at work, I’m going to act even more chipper and cheerful than before. That’s what I get paid to do, and I typically get glowing compliments from customers on my attitude.

Anyway, the thought that someone thought I wasn’t being friendly basically ruined my life for a couple days. Now I can laugh about it, but at the time it was serious business.

To get to the point, if I would have actually been paying attention to my thoughts and worries, I doubt it would have gotten to me quite as badly as it did. If I was actually practicing mindfulness, I could have redirected my thoughts to things that really matter. Because honestly one person’s passing opinion of me doesn’t really matter. I’m not in control of what others think of me despite my best efforts at mind control. I also highly doubt that over dinner the woman was thinking of how “unfriendly” I was to her.

I have bigger, better things to worry about. Putting my prayers and good thoughts out there into the world. Applications for college. Making sure I remember to eat and am getting enough sleep. Being able to recognize when I’ve got too much on my plate and figuring out how to balance it so I don’t crash. And so on; and so forth.

I shouldn’t be shoving my feet into shoes that are too small. I shouldn’t be fretting over my feet getting bigger. And I definitely shouldn’t be worried about what other people think of me.

My new strategy is attempting to recognize when these things are running through my mind. My feet getting bigger just means that I can touch more the Earth as I walk. A genuine smile can change a stranger’s day. Mindfulness truly is an important part of the puzzle that is happiness.

(And yes, dear readers, I am back after my hiatus. I have much to write about – A growing list even! But don’t expect much for another week or so because I have a vacation to take. And Blogger? Your “improvements” to the post editor makes my computer freeze to the point that I wanted to chuck it out the window. Boo.)

I wanted to pop in and say hello to all of my new and old followers alike!  I also want to thank those of you that have emailed me to see if I’m okay.  I’ve been very, very quiet lately, haven’t I?

I think it’s partially the Fall doing it to me.  It’s that time of the year where your focus tends to turn inwards, and my energy completely has been doing this lately.  It’s also the calm before the holiday storm in retail-world, and so I have this sinking suspicion that I’m getting my rest while I can.  Haha.

However, today on the way home from the pet store, we passed our local pumpkin-selling spot.  It was filled with all sorts of beautiful, beautiful pumpkins.  Pumpkins of all shapes and sizes.  I found myself getting really excited again for the Samhain dinner I’ve got planned.  You can be assured that on the day I go pumpkin-buying, there will be plenty of pictures.

So this is just a hello.  I’ll try to get back into updating more often – At least once a week.  It means so very much to me that people actually read what I have to say!

Also, if you’re in need of bubble bath, cosmetics, skincare, etc…  I’ve taken up selling Avon much to the amusement of everyone around me.  If you don’t already have an Avon-lady, please consider helping this clueless one out: http://youravon.com/mwoodland

Be back soon!

This recipe, by my calculation, ended up being around 97 cents per serving (in Iowa, at least).  That includes cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips.  It’s all store-brand items. Very little of it was on special, but it will feed Mr. NaW and me about four meals – Unless we eat two bowls of soup which happens more often than I’d like to admit.  You can meat it up by adding chicken or beef to the mix, but here we make it meat-free.  It’s cheaper and just as delicious.  It’s also vegan if you omit the sour cream and cheddar which is just as good – I actually started making this when I did my month of being vegan years ago.

Plus it’s made in a slow cooker!  Oh my gosh, yet another love affair that I’m revisiting.  How can I not love it?  A hot meal when I get home from working an eight hour day on my feet with no work?  I do believe so, yes.

Taco Soup

1 can chili beans, undrained
1 can black beans, drained
1 can corn, drained
2 cans of tomatoes with green chilies, undrained
1 8 oz can of tomato sauce
12 oz of vegetable stock (see note about my vegetable stock)
1 packet of taco seasoning (though typically I use the hot Mrs. Dash, because we have a jar of it lying around that won’t seem to empty itself)

1. Mix it all up in your slow cooker.
2. Cook on low for 7 hours.
3. Serve with sour cream, cheddar cheese, and tortilla chips

I make my own vegetable stock, because I’ve found it’s a good way to use up the leftover veggies that won’t get eaten otherwise.  All you have to do is boil vegetables in water for around an hour and then strain them out.  It’s seriously just that easy, and it freezes wonderfully.

I got my bread machine many, many years ago.  I think I had visions of making my own bread weekly at that point, but it baked down to a couple loaves made with a pre-boxed mix and a from-scratch loaf that didn’t rise.  Yet I lovingly kept a hold of the blasted thing – complete with its “Meat’s no treat for those you eat” sticker from my vegetarian phase (and yes, for me it was just a phase).

However, skip ahead about five years and add another vegetarian (the ovo-lacto apple of my eye) to the mix.  Add a heaping helping of an unemployment check along with a part-time job in the mix.  What do you get?  Two twenty-somethings that have to learn about frugality.  And fast. 

Enter back into my life the bread machine!  He’s been named Waldo, and apparently he likes that name because he has spit out an amazing array of dough and breads in the last seventy-two hours.  Therefore, Waldo and I have developed a love affair.  I love Waldo.  Not only is he feeding me, but he’s saving me money by doing so.  And yes, I name just about everything I own.  Weird quirk, I guess.

Doing a little research, I figured out an estimate on how much I’m saving this week by making my own baked goods.  We used to buy the really expensive bread products; good bread is something I developed a taste for, too.

Loaf of Whole Wheat Bread:  $2-3
Pita – $2
Hamburger Buns – $1.50+

Therefore, I’ve saved around $6.50.  This is good this month, because our energy bill was higher by about $13.  I also pay the energy bill.  Groceries and energy are my two financial responsibilities in this relationship, which is actually a pretty sweet deal.

Never mind the fact that thickly sliced homemade bread is just heaven on a turkey and Swiss sandwich.  Pita is delicious with Roma tomatoes and homemade hummus.  And Mr. NaW has stopped complaining about how much he dislikes hamburger buns.   It’s also saving me about $20 a week by not eating in the food court at the mall – Food which for the most part doesn’t good taste and heaven knows it’s not good for me (Hello size 22 pants.  Goodbye size 16.  Yikes!).

You know what I’ve discovered?  Frugal living is exciting!  It’s fun making things and mixing up concoctions.  It’s fun saving up money and actually being able to put back into a savings account for emergencies – Well, it’s fun watching the savings account grow at least.  It’s pretty fun to spend money too, lol. 

Now if I could just get Mr. NaW switched off of his $4 cereal and $5 fake meat habit, life would be great.  I’m starting to experiment with making my own bean burgers, so hopefully he’ll like those better.  I’m not sure there’s anything I can do about the cereal other than stock up when it goes on sale.  We eat Multi-Grain Cheerios, and I like the comfort of all our vitamins being shoved into one serving of cereal a day.  Though I just realized I can mix it with cheaper cereal and keep our double serving!  Ah ha!

So tell me…  What do you do to save money?  I’m hooked.

I feel sort of writing-constipated right now. I have all of these things to say and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get them out of my system. It’s all jumbled up to the point where I don’t know where or how to start, or even how to separate things into logical posts to share. Ugh.

I blame retail.

So you’re getting a post on how I can’t post. LoL.

Not too long ago Kaleanani from Alpine Sanctum wrote a blog article on what a Pagan wears daily. The focus of her post was modesty and head-covering. I found the post both thought-provoking and rather like a call from home – It struck a chord in me that has kept it in my mind.

I’ve always been more comfortable with a covered head. My mother put hats on me basically from the moment I was born, so we’ve always chalked it up to that. I collected hats as a girl. In later years to the present, I’m regularly found wearing a bandana over my head.

At first it was just comfort. After I became more sensitive, it became a matter of necessity on some days. I’ve used it as a buffer between the world’s energy and my crown chakra.

For some reason it never struck me that other Pagans might be covering for various reasons. It never really struck me as something to do as a Pagan in general. But then along came Kaleanani with her blog, and it was like my life was completely revolutionized.

I thought more and more about covering on a more regular basis out in public as a devotional act. The more and more I thought about it, the more and more the world seemed to throw little nudges towards it.

At Pier1, I bought napkins, and the woman behind the counter told me about how she liked to use them as bandanas.

At work all the scarves went to 75% off. (Okay, okay, maybe that was just me justifying buying new scarves that I’d had my eye on all summer.)

But then I timidly mentioned it to a co-worker that I was excited about the scarves going on sale. I went on to tell her that I was hoping to start covering. Come to find out she used to cover, but no longer does – So she brought me a couple scarves that she thought I would like! They are so, so very pretty. I felt so honored that she gave them to me.

She asked me why I didn’t cover at work. I explained that I was just starting to, so it was a matter of getting used to it being part of my identity. She agreed and said that she thought it was easier to go into a situation covered instead of having to introduce it later on.

It did get me thinking about covering at work. I think I will. Especially with the holiday season coming up, since I work retail and will want to keep myself from getting overwhelmed with the general nastiness that can get thrown my way.

I feel the need to talk to my manager about it first. I don’t want to get any flak for it. I don’t want to be constantly defending myself. I’m having a real hard time getting up the gumption to talk to her, though she’s a very nice woman.

However, it also means coming out of the broom closet at work. I have one person at work that knows the basics behind my religious flavor. The experience of telling her was both liberating and positive.

I know, though, that not everyone will react as kindly. A lot of people see covering as anti-feminist or archaic. Some people don’t react kindly to “alternative” religions in Protestant-ruled Iowa. I feel like at work I’ve been given this job to teach people about differences – Bipolar disorder, chronic fatigue – Now a basic explanation behind Paganism?

I can’t go about explaining it as “I’m a psychic,” because unless they know my history (which they don’t) sometimes that statement comes off as a little loony. Or they want free readings.

The gossip at my store is just horrible. I think that’s what worries me the most. I prefer that people get their information about who I am from me and not someone that wants to say something bad about me – Which I thought for a while was just me being paranoid until someone confirmed that my coworkers were talking badly because of the days I’m too weak and tired to go into work. It hurts when I’m nothing but nice to people, I work my butt off, and I only call in maybe one day out of the month. I can’t control my body, and I feel badly enough for it. If they’re put off by my absences, they should try living with my condition for a couple days.

Okay, I went off there. Back to the subject at hand. I’m apparently happier in my broom closet than I thought. I’m not ashamed of my religion, but I do have social anxiety disorder and my biggest fear is being judged… Maybe this is an issue because I need to learn not to worry about what other people think. Maybe I just need to suck it up and be brave – That is part of the Witch’s way, isn’t it? To dare? Though there is that part about holding silence. Hm. Torn.

Opinions? Advice?

The other day I was just bragging about how my apartment was sort of a dead zone from spirits – I’ve lived in some very, very haunted places in my life. Well, crap! Now things are starting to happen here!

Most of the time I’m just annoyed by it. Like I said, I’ve lived with ghosts and spirits most of my life, because being a medium sort of attracts things to you like you’re a freakin’ magnet. But I am going to complain about this guy, because he keeps making me jump. Plus he won’t seem to leave me alone. I hate when they’re stubborn.

So two nights ago Mr. NaW (the boyfriend) had gone to bed. I’m sitting at my computer when I hear a thump. I go to investigate what it was. His contact case is across the bathroom. Not just on the ground near the counter, but across the room by the bathtub. I thought to myself that it was just Jasper being a jerk, but then I turned around to see Jasper passed out in Mr. NaW’s chair. The other cat, Mouse, was in bed with Mr. NaW.

Great. I’ve got an object-mover, which is the only kind of ghost or spirit that still freaks me out a little… I’m just a jumpy person and this really, really gets my attention.

I’m writing this now, because I’m up at four in the morning, and lo and behold Mr. NaW’s computer just turned on by itself. It didn’t even get all the way through booting up before it shut down completely.

Fifteen minutes later? The light starts flicker on and off. Dude, I realize you’re there. Knock it off. Go towards the light or just go away. I guess I’ll have to give this guy a good talking to when I’ve had more sleep.

Annoying? Totally. I just had to whine.

Ms Domesticated Gypsy sucked me into this through magic, I’m sure. Sounds fun! 🙂

The first 5 people to respond to this post will get something made by me, especially for you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
•I make no guarantees that you will like what I make but I hope you will.
•What I create will be just for you.
•They say I have a year to get it to you. But I promise it will NOT take that long!
•You have no clue what it’s going to be. It’s a surprise to both of us at this point.

The catch? You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.