Oracle Call for October 7th, 2014

At Apollon’s request, I will be offering oracle on the 7th of each Julian month in His honor.

I currently do not use any oracle tools nor do I channel. I simply interpret what I get told. So if you’re looking for someone who uses something more concrete, that is understandable, and I will happily make suggestions on others to go to should you decide you are in need. I reserve the right to use another form of oracle in the future should I be led to it, and in that case I will be sure to let you know what I’ve drawn in the event you wish to interpret it yourself.

I will be taking up to 5 readings during these sessions.

I do ask that you consider a free-will donation in trade for this service should you have an oracle done by me, to be given after. All monetary donations at this point will be saved for a tattoo that has been requested of me. Beyond that, I will be saving money back for the future temple I hope to see built in my lifetime for Apollon. However, He has made it known to me that He will accept digital copies of art and original prayers, released in creative commons for non-commercial, non-altered usage. All rights of ownership with remain with you, but I will be showcasing your work on this blog and would love to talk more about you as an artist and/or writer. This will be only for the 7th oracles that I offer this.

I will not be answering questions related directly to if Apollon is seeking you as a godspouse. I believe that He is more than capable of making this desire known, and I leave that in His hands.  However, if this comes up in my talk with Him, I promise not to leave it out of my message to you.

Finally, occasionally I get nothing as a response to the question. If that is the case, I will simply let you know with my apologies. This is one of the reasons why, in this case, I am asking for the trade of labor (art, prayers, money) afterward.

So with all of that said, if you would like an oracle done tomorrow, please leave me a message here. I will leave you a message with my email address in it, so that you may contact directly with your question. I will do my best to answer your question by the end of the day on the 7th, but depending on my health and household it may take up to 48 hours beyond the 7th.

Fall Equinox Conversations at the Foxglove House

Background: Mr Foxglove is an agnostic humanist.  He is pro-raising our children Polytheist/Pagan as long as we stress that it’s the duty in our life to help our fellow man simply because it’s the right thing to do instead of where we go afterwards, which obviously fits in with my worldview perfectly.  After this many years, though, Mr Foxglove has developed some rather peculiar Pagan outlooks on things and is in complete denial about it…  I am starting to record them, because while it’s maddening to me, it’s kind of hilarious at the same time.

Today’s conversation thus far…

Mr Foxglove: Hey, what are we going to do for the Fall Equinox?

Camilla: I hadn’t really planned on much for the family this year.  My tradition states this is when Apollon begins his journey towards Hyperborea for the winter, so prayers and offerings for that.

Mr Foxglove: Heh.  Apollon goes to Florida for the winter…

Camilla: No!  He goes to Hyper- Actually, that’s pretty accurate.

What 20 Years Has Taught Me

Missouri River by http://www.flickr.com/photos/shotaku/870553709/in/set-72157600194555080
Missouri River by http://www.flickr.com/photos/shotaku/870553709/in/set-72157600194555080

Warning: I swear in this a few times.  Please don’t be too shocked.  My mouth is well-versed in the sailor’s language in person.

I looked at my calender to realize that today marks 20 years with Paganism as a conscious choice in my life. I have officially self-identified as a Pagan for more than half of my life. I remember this type of experience being thrown around as credentials for being an Elder in the community when I first started. “I’ve been a practicing Pagan for 20 years,” someone would say to qualify their argument in online spats. And I would quiet my brain. I would listen to what they’d say, thinking This person has been doing this forever, and surely they’ve discovered many truths on their path.

Standing at 20 years, you know what I feel like I know about Paganism, Polytheism, Roman What-Have-You, and the Universe Around Me?

Absolutely nothing.

Seriously.

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe I’ve been Paganing the wrong way. I have no community in the flesh near me; in fact, I’m starting to suspect I may be a bit of a misanthrope when it comes to finding a brick and mortar community. I have no special titles. No awards. No laurels and accolades.

Dear Little Camilla of the Teenage Years, how I want to kiss your forehead. How I want to let you know that gut feeling you had that measurement of time isn’t what makes an Elder was the correct one. What matters is the quality of their heart and the wisdom (which doesn’t automatically come with age or time) gained from experience is not a one-size-fits-all game. No one gives you the secrets of life at 20 years in or at 60 years of age.  You who were pissed off from day one about the Crone archetype making people feel that, just because they’ve managed to survive X amount of years that they’re suddenly wise and elders. You were right. It’s quality. Not quantity.

At 20 years, I’ve been doing it all wrong… I hold a firm understanding of my own understanding of How Things Work. Oh my Gods, I’m shocked when people tell me I seem to know what I’m talking about. Oh my GODS, I have an informal student or two lurking about out there in the world…

Oh my Gods…

Is there such a thing as a Pagan and/or Polytheist Quarter Life Crisis? Because I’m afraid I may be headed into one a little early…

Because here are the real secrets I’ve learned in the last 20 years:

The minute I assume I’ve got a firm grip on something, the Gods see fit to knock me off my feet. The moment I say “I am XYZ,” Someone grabs me by the head, spins me, and sends me off in another direction. The very second I publicly called myself a Roman Polytheist, I heard a little whisper in my ear of “No, you’re not. You are a child built of Missouri River clay, and your blood is the sweat of this land. Your heartbeat is the ghostly echo of the Katy in the river bottoms, rolling prairies, and forested hills. You are the yellow limestone bluffs you love so much. You are a Midwestern mystic. You are an American Polytheist, and that’s not a 4-letter word. Stop trying to be things you are not.”

Then Odin lays His hand down on the table in a game of cards I wasn’t even aware I was playing with Him, and all I can say is “Oh. Shit.” as suddenly a dozen mysteries, coincidences, and odd happenings from my life make sense.  Because where did Odin even come from?!

That is something else I’ve learned in my 20 years: When a God comes knocking, you answer the door. Even if you’re terrified of what it could mean. They tend to know when you’ve shut off all the lights are are hiding behind furniture trying to pretend you aren’t home. Imagine that.

So what does this all mean? I have no idea. Sometimes you just have to put your trust in the Gods and go where They take you.

That’s what 20 years as a Pagan has taught me.

Prayer for Apollon

I’m so excited to see the first prayer out! This was written in payment for my first oracular service I held today. The next call will be put out on October 4th. Thank you to everyone who contacted me this month.

Sage's avatarSage and Starshine

I wrote this prayer as gratitude and in payment for an oracle given to me by Camilla over at Foxglove and Firmitas. My experience with Apollon is fairly limited (thought certainly worth its own post at some point), though I continually find myself thankful for how His children, spouses, and devotees seem to keep cropping up in my life.

This prayer is specifically licensed through Creative Commons to allow anyone to use, modify, and/or share the text so long as they also allow others the same privilege and so long as credit eventually comes back to me. This is my gift for Apollon and His people, whoever they may be.


Sweet Apollon, I lift to you a breath of thanks
I bask in Your holy light and terrible love
There is trembling and fear in Your presence
Quickly morphing to barely understood awe.

Brother to Artemis, may Your aim…

View original post 263 more words

Vow Renewal Shrine

DSC01117You will note no image of Apollon at this time.  I have yet to find anything or create anything that I find worthy of Him.  The woes of being an artist in love.  I bought Him an orchid.  It’s the closest thing I could find to His perfection.

 

A Renewal of Vows

DSC01109[1]
A new turibulum (incense burner) for the occasion.
August 7th is coming quickly now.  Time slipped by as it tends to do in my world.  But August 7th is an important date in my own religious calender…

It’s the anniversary of my vows to Apollon.  He and I have been together in this relationship we have for 8 years now…  8 years?  Has it really been that long?

This year, though, I was told it was time to renew our vows.

I have, admittedly, been avoiding thinking of my actual vows.  It’s not that I am avoiding this situation, but it’s just that even after all this time I sometimes feel the immensity and weight of having Him be part of my life at this level.  How did this come about?  When did this start?

I’m not sure I really have answers to those questions.

And what do I want out of it?  That’s what He wants to know with this…  All of this time, we’ve been working on what He wants for us and me.  Now He wants to know what I want of Him…

That’s not an easy question to answer.  Me, who regularly doesn’t know exactly what she wants of her life on a very basic level anyway.  I prefer to dream and plan before blindly feeling my way through the actual execution of that.

I can’t do that this time.

This isn’t to say I’m not excited and happy.  This is a joyous occasion!

But just like a mortal marriage, it’s a contract that isn’t to be entered into lightly.

The shrine is slowly being prepared.  I was given the gift of resin incense and a beautiful turibulum (burner) today by my mother.

So here we go.  Countdown to the 7th.

There will be pictures to come, I’m sure.

Some Thoughts on Immersive Polytheism

(Edit: I have no idea how comments got turned off on this one!  Sorry if you were wanting to discuss.  It is supposed to be a discussion, after all!)

If you don’t have 20 minutes to watch the video or just prefer the written word, I’ve decided to write something to go with the video.  It’s the same points, but you can see how my brain actually does better with written word than speaking.  They’re complimentary but not fully the same…

“Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence, and nothing too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

First of all, I want to deeply apologize if I offended anyone or led anyone to believe that my earlier videos were an attempt to draw the line in the sand or create a schism. That was not my intention. These being my first videos and desperately out of practice with public speaking, I may slip from time-to-time and not fully be able to examine the possible consequences of my words. I hope that as I get more comfortable and less nervous with speaking instead of just writing, I will become more mindful in the moment of what I am saying.

I’m delighted that people are picking up on this term and finding meaning in it for their own practices. I do not expect anyone to do so. Personally I call myself an Immersive Polytheist, because this is my focus. This is what was asked of me by Apollon when He made Himself fully known in my life. For me this has come out of a more ecstatic practice as a way to hold that same communion with the Gods in a more controlled manner due to lifestyle change…

I had a baby. I don’t feel in my own life that attempting regular deep trance and using ethnogens is a safe place for me to be in right now. While I am deeply interested in said subjects and continue with an intellectual study of them, I am currently placed more firmly in a more moderate point in my path… I do not really care for the term “mundane” with my own work. While the actions may seem very earthly and unremarkable, when placed within a spiritual context one can find their daily tasks anything but dull or void of the Gods.

So I return to the concept of walking, or in my own background that of walking meditation. Any point in the day, especially the repetitive, boring tasks, can be used as a centering vehicle to quiet our minds and tap into a greater experience. Routine work, especially housework, can be turned into a ritual that allows us to commune comfortably and easily with our Gods.

My life is filled with immersive practices like this. This is very much a monastic life filled with contemplation, though clearly it is not a path of extreme asceticism. It can be quiet. It can be peaceful. This is a fantastic tool with the my role as a spirit worker. I find my life sometimes thrown into chaos by the Work I’m asked to do… The gift of immersion, then, is that I am capable of returning to center and moving to stabilize my entire home and family as quickly as I am able.

I was a spirit worker before I was a mother and a wife. With careful balance, I have been blessed with the ability to maintain equilibrium that allows me to continue on with my Work, albeit at a sometimes slower pace. And this is one of the gifts I hope the current conversations will bring about in our community. You do not have to be one or the other. You can be both if you assemble the correct tools for yourself.

I have also found another place in my own life where Immersive Polytheism has been a true blessing: Art. I’ve been an artist my entire life. In the past, when I was experiencing ecstatic moments that could be classified as hypomania, I was able to tap into energy level that was very useful to the creative process. As I’ve grown, changed, and discovered a few medically-based causes to what easily swung into destructive parts of my life, I found that I was no longer tapping into that pure ecstatic place with creating. However, with my cultivating a more meditative practice, I’ve learned that I’m capable of entering a light trance while working that leaves me able to return to that original creative madness in a much more controlled, less personally destructive manner. This is much more in tune with my home life in that I am able to then balance a divinely-inspired creative practice while still meeting the needs of my family.

I also partially chose the term Immersive, because I believe that the Work I do is an important set of tools for the future. I have a larger goal in assembling these tools and practicing them in a clear manner: I am trying to demonstrate my living religion and its traditions to my daughter in hopes that when she finds herself at a point in her life where she is evaluating her own faith and values, she has had a strong Polytheist foundation to hopefully hold up against other sources that may be influencing her in her life. We simply don’t have enough people at this point talking about this on a practical level.

You see, I’m lucky in that my tradition is heavily Roman. I have a lot more primary sources than other traditions. Still, the problem of the Roman sources is that sometimes in the middle of a great description of a rite, you’ll find the words “done in the typical manner.” Since the Romans were born into an orthopraxic religion, they knew what the typical manner was. There was no need to explain it. Sadly for us, we’re left to fill in the blanks.

In order to return to these practices and values, I have to fill in the blanks if I want to reach my goal: To raise children who are immersed in a living Polytheist religion to the point where the rituals, values, and traditions are so ingrained that there is no need for categories or definitions… There just is their Gods and their faith.

So this world I live in with my religious life may seem utterly mundane and boring to some, but the truth is that I am working on bringing up the next generation of polytheist. I am not more special than the next person who is doing other types of Work. But just because my practice appears to be nothing special to the outside eye, isn’t my work as a polytheist parent important enough that I may claim a name for my practice and toolbox?

Finally, I want to return back to the labeling of this practice and the need to categorize these things. To me, personally, I feel there is a need for it in order to achieve a common vernacular in our community.

On a very, very basic level, it makes it easier for those seeking information, those who are trying to learn, to find what they are seeking. When I first learned that there was a term being used in our community for having a divine marriage with a God, I was relieved. I still didn’t find much out there on a practical level, but after many years of having a relationship I didn’t have a word for and wondering if there were others out there sharing these types of experiences, I was still able to find I wasn’t alone.

For those just learning about Polytheism in a modern sense, when they are searching for tools and answers they regularly reach for the internet. Finding that common vocabulary, terms that we all use, and being able to access multiple sources and view points due to it is an amazing gift we can give those just coming into the world we’re all neck deep in already.

Asklepieion: My Big Dream

I mentioned in a video that I had been given the charge to build a temple for Apollon, but I realized that I’ve been kind of nervous about talking about what it is that I feel called to accomplish with my life… Partially because I really don’t want to hear the naysayers’ opinions. Partially because I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding the calling towards what I realize I’m meant to be doing in this world… It’s hard to say I have a calling and a vision for my future, that I feel I was placed in this point and time in history because I have Work that I am supposed to do, and not feel like hubris is creeping in.

I talked to my therapist about this the other day. I went back to therapy, because I’m working on social anxiety issues and pain management via cognitive behavioral therapy. But really? CBT is pretty awesome. It aligns with Stoicism and mindfulness. Finding Personal Center and conquering the doubts, fears, and shadows in my own psyche while on relatively equal footing instead of in the middle of mental health emergency is proving to be a really empowering and enjoyable process thus far.

It’s that whole “Know Yourself, y’all” deal that Apollon has driven home to me.

But as I was saying, I talked to my therapist about it the other day. This was a huge deal for me, because I’ve only talked about the Big Dream in bits and pieces to anyone. Never mind that this fantastic woman, truly a modern day healer, who I’m paying to help me untangle the knots holding me back, isn’t Polytheist or Pagan. I have no idea what her beliefs are, other than she wasn’t too keen on the local inter-faith community locally and she’s got friends with children who are Pagan or Polytheist. And yet, we were able to talk Jung, CBT, and the intersection of mental illness and spiritual experience on a neutral place… She got it. She understood where I was coming from, even if I struggle with an elevator speech on what I believe and can talk more easily about what I’m not instead.

She looked at me. She smiled. And she told me, “Your road is lonely.”

She got it.

Each time I’ve talked to someone, even in bits and pieces, I’ve felt a little more brave about putting it all down in one place. So, despite the fact that I have questions I’ve promised to answer, I wanted to take the time to put The Big Dream down in words to share. The Big Dream I’m eventually going to have to have people helping with, because it’s too big to do on my own.  Even if for now it is lonely.

As I’ve said, Apollon has made it clear that He wants me to build Him a temple. It’s not simply a temple where religious services will be held but a place of healing. And not just any healing but spiritual and mental healing specifically.

I think my own life and watching other friends, both in and out of the Pagan and Polytheist communities, struggle with spiritual emergence, spiritual emergencies, and mental illness has led me to understand that this sort of place is needed. We have very few allies we can go to when we find ourselves having experiences we cannot explain. Mystical experiences can be quite close to psychosis, and typically there is no one there to help navigate the person experiencing them that has a firm understanding of how the spiritual, mental, and even physical integrate to make the larger whole.

You may find yourself seeing a therapist or psychiatrist who can help you get leveled and back in control of the situation, but you may find yourself scared to talk to them about the religious part of your experiences due to being branded one of the mental ill, widely stigmatized in our society.

You may find yourself falling into a community where psychiatry is demonized. Even though it may, in the right hands, be a key to help you obtain some relief without removing the underlying spiritual work. And you may find in that situation that your life falls away from you in a way that causes you to lose more than you are willing to give up.

Or, worst of all, you may find yourself unhelped at all and end up dead.

My dream is to build a place, with a trained and professional staff, that brings about equilibrium for those in this situation. Professionals with degrees in social work, psychology, chaplaincy, and so on, to help serve a person transition from mundane existence to a more spiritually-led life. A psychiatrist who is friendly and open to the needs of this type of situation.

The logistics is that, eventually, a live-in religious community of Polytheists and Pagans would develop on the land that the temple would be on. Small individual houses for those who work both the land or with people along with communal space for (optional) shared meals and celebrations. More small quarters for those who are coming to be helped. All surrounding the space that’s dedicated for Apollon’s temple.

Around that would be a sustainable farm using permaculture, including a bee sanctuary and shrines set up in various places throughout the zones. We would offer a training programs for veterans, teaching them both to farm and helping them work through any mental health problems they might have problems with. We would offer internships and a residency program to hopefully help train other professionals to go out into the world and offer services that align with our values.

This serves 2-fold: One, it provides Pagan and Polytheist training. Two, for those who can’t afford the services monetarily, there can be a sliding scale and payment via work that must be done to keep the community thriving.

If I can get enough land, I would like to offer space for natural and green funerals. At the very least, I know that with my current training in being a death worker will be used to serve those who need help dying, though eventually I would like to explore the thought of offering hospice space for those in need.

I’ve had this idea in my head for about a decade now, but it’s only now that I’m starting to think that it’s quite possible I may be able to actually have this happen. It’s only now that I’m brave enough to start talking about it with others

So… There is my Big Dream. When you hear me talk about building at temple for Apollon, this is what I actually mean. When you hear me say that I’m struggling to figure out what I’m going to do education-wise for myself, this is why. This is what I want to make happen. This is what I’m called to do.

 

Study for Future Apollon Piece

Study for Future Apollon Piece

Slowly pulling myself out of the art block that lasted over a decade. I’m currently working on studies for a future piece of Apollon.

I have been putting off drawing Apollon, because my self-confidence to get Him right is does not exist. He has been pushing for it all the same.

From Cicero’s De Natura Deorum

As for your deriving religion from the sky and stars, do you not see what a long way this takes you? You say that the sun and moon are deities, and the Greeks identify the former with Apollo and the latter with Diana. But if the Moon is a goddess, then Lucifer also and the rest of the planets will have to be counted gods; and if so, then the fixed stars as well. But why should not the glorious Rainbow be included among the gods ? it is beautiful enough, and its marvelous loveliness has given rise to the legend that Iris is the daughter of Thaumas.

And if the rainbow is a divinity, what will you do about the clouds? The rainbow itself is caused by some coloration of the clouds ; and also a cloud is fabled to have given birth to the Centaurs. But if you enroll the clouds among the gods, you will undoubtedly have to enroll the seasons, which have been deified in the national ritual of Rome. If so, then rain and tempest, storm and whirlwind must be deemed divine.