And the Winner Is…

 

Today was the last day of my giveaway, and I let folks know on my Facebook page that I’d be random.orging a number for the winner tonight after dinner.  Amusingly, I drew my favorite number and one that shows up regularly in my life – 11…

So the winner is…

Danni of The Whimsical Cottage! If you haven’t checked out her blog, I’d suggest it. She’s a highly creative lady, and I’ve enjoyed her blog for quite some time now. She also has an Etsy shop, which is on vacation right now, but very much worth checking out when it’s up!

Congrats again, Danni!

Musings on Our Relationship with Food

Note: This is oddly not what I set out to write tonight when I started writing, but apparently it’s been bouncing around in my mind without me really noticing it.  This is, as always, just my personal take on things.  If you find truth in it, that’s great.  If you think I’m a raving loon…  Well, the world fortunately has a place for all kinds of people and beliefs. šŸ˜‰

The plants in my garden are starting to develop actual vegetables. This is, as far as I’m concerned despite having confidence in my abilities, nothing short of a miracle. Plants as a whole are magical, miraculous, living beings that I am constantly left in awe of even with understanding some the science behind them. This growing season, they have taught me a great deal including helping me develop my patience, refusing to grow faster simply because I make impatient demands on them. They’ve given me quite a few lessons in worry, resiliency, and the insect world. And they’ve taken my hand and led me to understand that I can, in fact, tolerate being out in the heat if need be. I am not a delicate flower… And in truth, I’m no longer sure there is such a thing as a delicate flower in the plant world.

Oddly enough, my gardening has also affirmed that for me, personally, I’ve made the right moral choice for myself in not being a vegetarian. I only purchase local, small farm meat, and most of the people I buy it from are pretty vocal about treating their animals with respect. It might be skewed thinking from a girl that’s emotionally tied with plants, but I’m pretty sure that livestock owners on small farms treat their animals with more reverence than many do produce. They’re plants. They don’t have feelings… It’s hard for me to shake the feeling that they are sentient beings, which to me says they have to have some concept of feeling though perhaps not exactly like ours (this debate wages on in my household due to Mr Science sometimes thinking I’ve absolutely lost my mind). I find it oddly cruel that plants work so hard to grow and reproduce… And it’s so easy for us to come along and eat all that hard work.

So many of us hold thanks and compassion for the animals we eat (as we should), but we overlook the silent plant who seems so foreign and different from us. It’s easier to recognize the pain and suffering of animals… Not so much with plants unless you’ve spent time with them. The truth is that in order to sustain our lives as humans, we must eat. And eating in all forms comes from death… Eating a tomato will not kill a plant, but it kills the potential for those specific seeds in the fruit to carry on its genetic lineage. Eventually we rip the plant from the ground once its time and dispose of it some way, and since so many of us don’t practice seed saving from non-hybrids, the genetic diversity offered by the plant we grew is gone.

And don’t get me started on pest control… That’s a whole different topic that’s currently giving me nightmares. Actual nightmares. Involving squash bugs.

This is possibly the biggest lesson my plants have taught me this season… My existence is fueled by death in all its forms. I’m trying to really dig deep into this thought and learn the difference between needless killing and necessary – Which sometimes is not as clear of a line as we typically think. My garden is not fully necessary in order for me to survive. I have grocery stores and farmer’s markets that I can depend on. But at the same time I’m not about to let the bugs have full reign of the plants I take care of… For the most part the plants are helpless to their attack. In some cases it appears I am helpless, too.

I find veganism admirable. I was a vegan for a while. But I have a hard time placing a hierarchy of importance on the food I eat and finding where to draw the line on what is okay and what isn’t. To me a plant is no less sacred, wonderful, and worthy of my compassion than a cow. In farming with plants, bugs die or your crops die, and if your crops die, nobody eats. When harvesting (especially in row crops), animals die accidental deaths. And in regard to honey bees, the local apiarist is our ally in making sure our bee population stays healthy and strong as the mystery of Colony Collapse Disorder continues on. (I’m not talking the traveling hives or mega-farm beekeepers, but the local, small scale folks once again.) It’s important, because we need the bees. And, at the moment, the bees need us.

I understand the abhorrence in the exploitation of animals. Honestly, I’m pretty horrified by the reality of our modern food system myself, which in part is why I’m going into agricultural work. But this summer, working out in my garden and considering my future, I’ve learned something… Life is exploitative. In order to survive, all animals must exploit another living thing. As a Pagan, my understanding of the world is that the world is a living being from the dirt to the sky to the plants and animals. Everything. It’s an ecosystem, and that ecosystem is its own being. The plants take from the dirt. The herbivores take from the plants. And so on and so forth…

To fully remove ourselves from exploitation in its simplest terms would force us to die. The problem isn’t our survival. The problem is a lack of reverence in the harsh reality of life. I admire vegans and vegetarians both for seeking to lessen their blow to the world around them. But I feel like the answer to the problem of where we stand in the world as a post-industrial society that has removed itself from agrarianism isn’t to practice harsh asceticism. The carbon footprint of a vegan is a small drop in the bucket to that of a typical omnivore, but I think looking at mass-produced, pre-made substitutes for things such as meat or dairy products are made in a petroleum-based world that is just as exploitive of the world around us as eating animal products is probably just as bad and more overlooked.

I believe in moderation in all things as a virtue. If one swings to one extreme or another, it can have disastrous results on countless levels. The answer, then, is not to deny or glut yourself with things. The answer is, instead, to practice mindful moderation. Do not close your eyes. Do not ignore the fact that your survival requires other beings to die, which is partially how we’ve gotten into the mess we have today. Instead realize that your life requires the sacrifice of other living things to survive. In all forms from plant to animal, those beings likely did not really want to die.

It is absolutely necessary that we as a people come to understand this. Our attempt to ignore our uncomfortable feelings about this fact has caused us to become more and more removed from our food, which has turned into poisoning ourselves and everything else in the world. The answer is not to ignore the situation. The answer is to hold and understand this fact of life as sacred and to be thankful.

Your understanding and personal relationship with food and survival may lead you down the road to abstaining from certain things, and I think that’s fine. My fiancĆ©, for instance, is a vegetarian who grew up on a livestock farm. He understand the truth of how things are on family farms, and how animals are treated in that situation is not why he’s a vegetarian. Our agreement is that if I bring meat into the house, it’s locally-raised from a small farm that practices compassion and sustainability.

This is because we both accept that, on our own terms, we are closer to the source of our food in this manner. The system isn’t perfect, of course, but to me there can’t be perfection because survival leads to suffering and/or death of other things.

The closer you are to your food, though, the more respectful of it you become… Thanking the sacrifice another living being makes is what is necessary. Understanding that we humans are animals, despite attempting to remove ourselves from that realm, is imperative to restoring the balance of things. Accepting that we are animals is part of a spiritual journey, and we should hold this task as sacred.

Doing Hard Time for Vegetable Gardening?

I am thankful that I live in the city I do. Our city’s approach to urban agriculture, homesteading, and gardening is huge. In fact, it’s all too common to see someone growing vegetables in their front yard. We allow urban chickens, and I do believe you can probably have goats. We have food preservation classes that are affordable. And for a while the city even gave away free rain barrels for those who wanted and could use them. Personally, I find it inspiring.

So it blows my mind that in Oak Park, Michigan, a mother of 6 is facing the threat of 93 days in jail for doing exactly what it is so many of us do in this town: Raised bed gardening in her family’s front yard…

(Obviously the city planner didn’t actually look up suitable in the dictionary, because of the few I cited, I couldn’t find common used in any of the definitions.  What dictionary is he speaking of exactly?  Unless he’s going by the obsolete usage of similar or matching…  Still not common.  Word of advice?  Don’t talk to the press and cite something before looking it up…  Sort of like don’t quote a religious text unless you’ve read it and made sure the quote is actually in there.)

The urban homesteading community along with gardeners on the internet are up in arms. And you know what? They should be! If a woman wants to grow organic vegetables for her family (especially her large family!) in her front yard instead of grass, I personally don’t think it should be a problem. In fact, I would go so far as to say she should be held as an example of what we all should be trying to do in this economy and current agricultural system! Good for her for working to provide healthy food for her children! Good for her for being frugal! Good for her for wanting to be more environmentally responsible.

Having read some of her blog, I noticed that despite wishing she could have chickens, rain barrels and other accoutrements of sustainable urban homesteads, she doesn’t because they’re illegal in her city. The law over the plants in her front yard are very vague and subjected… What I find suitable obviously isn’t the same as the city of Oak Park. Personally I don’t feel that grass is a suitable plant in any yard unless it’s native… It’s both an environmental disaster, and well… It’s an allergy nightmare if freshly mown or left to go to pollen (aka the yard’s not taken care of) for me, so maybe I have a tiny personal problem with it.

This really is just outrageous, though… I mean, I’ve spent a few days trying to wrap my brain around this. Aren’t there real criminals to throw in jail? Doesn’t the city have better things to worry about, like maybe making sure they have healthy meal options in public schools or something? Are they just so bored that they need a hobby other than picking on their citizens?

If you feel this is as ridiculous as I do, please take a moment to write an email to send to the appropriate people (see below), sign the petition, write about it in your own blog, and join the Facebook page dedicated to keeping us updated on what is going on.

Oak Park City Planner – Kevin Rulkowski
Oak Park Mayor – Gerald E Naftaly

Recipe: Hash Brown Casserole a la Big Girl Pants

I make hash brown casserole maybe 4 times a year. First of all, it’s one of those dishes you want to keep specifically when you need comfort food. Secondly, it never fails to be so rich that my stomach revolts against me for ingesting too much of it at any given time and never seems to get used to.

In my attempt to use up the last of the processed canned soup that just happens to show up in my pantry (Typically handed off to me by some well-meaning relative who bought extra on sale, and I take it with gratitude for their generosity) and the giant pile of new potatoes we need to get through, I decided to say yes to a modified hash brown casserole. I keep saying I ā€œadultedā€ it up when I explain it.

I would also note that when I heated up leftovers for lunch, I threw some Spanish chorizo (my gift to myself this week) into the bowl and mixed it up. If you are not a vegetarian or cooking for one, I’d encourage hunting down Spanish-style chorizo to add to this… I’m not sure the Mexican-style would work as well, but it’s worth a try too.  Also, if you use the salami-style (Spanish) chorizo, cut the butter down drastically.  Consider about a tablespoon or two at most.  Otherwise you will have grease city!

Hash Brown Casserole a la Big Girl Pants
Serves: 6-8

1 pound new red potatoes, unpeeled and diced into 1/2-inch cubes
2 green onions, chopped
1 can cream of asparagus soup
1 cup sour cream (embrace the full fat because it’s not like this is healthy for much other than your soul and sanity!)
1/4 cup butter, melted
1 1/12 cups sharp cheddar, shredded
1 T garlic powder (1 tsp if you’re not a garlic fiend)
Pinch of kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper

Topping:
1/2 cup sharp cheddar, shredded
1 cup Panko breading (traditional bread crumbs work just as well)
2 T butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350

1. Bring a large pot of water to boil. Place potatoes in water. Return to boil and blanch for 5 minutes. When finished, drain potatoes.
2. In a large bowl, mix green onions, soup, sour cream, cheese, butter, garlic powder, salt and pepper.
3. Add potatoes to the bowl and mix until evenly coated. Pour into a 2-quart casserole dish and even out the surface. Cover with cheddar cheese evenly.
4. In a small bowl, mix panko and butter. Sprinkle on top of casserole.
5. Bake for 40-45 minutes. Remove and let cool for 10 minutes before serving.

Giveaway Time!

I told myself when I got to 100 followers on my blog, I’d do some sort of giveaway. Well, I’m at 99 followers and 121 subscribers to my feed! I do believe that balances out, doesn’t it?

I’ve had this sculpture stashed away for a while. In high school (ages ago, cough), I did a series of Pagan gods and goddesses in clay. This was one of the smaller goddesses I made. She was intended to be a generic Triple Goddess, but I’ve personally always called her Diana.

She has been fired once in the kiln. So if you don’t care for her unfinished, a coat of primer and paint would work to add color to her. Or, if you have a kiln or know a place that does firing, you have the chance to glaze her!

All you have to do in order to win her is be a follower of my blog and comment below. If you don’t have an email in your profile or a blog that I can track you down on, please be sure to leave some way I can contact you.

This giveaway will end on July 13th, so there’s a small window to get signed up! I’ll be drawing a random number to pick the winner.

Social Anxiety and the Art of Avoidance.

Yesterday was supposed to be my first workshop on organic farming. I say was because I didn’t go…

I have social anxiety disorder (some call it social phobia disorder). I have been working on getting better about it for years now. I’ve had it my entire life in varying levels of severity, and there was a point where I wasn’t able to leave the house because of it. I avoid stores and driving – Especially without someone with me. I’m unable to make telephone calls to strangers or to make appointments even when it’s an emergency. There have been a few times that I have been vomiting due to a migraine and suffering worse because my neighbor’s stereo was too loud and I couldn’t manage to go knock on the door to ask her to turn it down.

Many who know me and are close to me usually don’t see it, or if they do it’s because I’m around too many people at once and have to flee and/or decline invitations to parties. Once I warm up a little, it’s a different story unless it comes to telling people no or confrontation. And since I’m lacking these social skills, it’s pretty easy to be a human doormat and magnet for those who are willing to take advantage of my seemingly good nature.

What happened on Wednesday with missing the workshop, though, is pretty effing painful for me. Google Maps messed up the directions, and the way my town is set up is confusing at best sometimes. In this case, the street it landed me on was the right one, but it ends halfway into the city and then has miles until it starts again in a seemingly random place. So, despite being a punctuality freak, it ended up with me giving up about 20 minutes after the workshops were supposed to start. I had no idea how to get there, and by the time I managed to get there I was going to have to walk into a room full of strangers late. Just thinking about that sort of situation makes my chest tighten up.

The truth is that I started in with my anticipatory anxiety about 4 days before, which was pretty impressive considering that it usually starts about a month in advance. For most of that time my excitement overshadowed my anxiety. But then I started sleeping poorly, and I think that weakened my ability to challenge myself as much as I usually do.

So, since my mother was dropping me off, I had her bring me home. I know she didn’t want to do it, and she even attempted to pull out a map (It wasn’t there). But by that point I wasn’t willing to push myself anymore; I’d been doing it all morning while alone on top of fighting all the irrational thoughts in my head for days before that.

I went up to bed and cried for a while. Mr. NaW brought me my computer, a package I’d received in the mail, and a book to read. I guess he realized I was going to be out of commission for the day. I actually slept most of it. Now I just feel depressed and sort of numb… And, well, frustrated and horrible about myself. Sometimes you have to throw a bit of a pity party, and since today I’m supposed to be in workshops again (which I won’t go to since I missed the first 9 hours of them) I don’t see tomorrow being much better. Hopefully after that I’ll decide to suck it up and carry on with my life.

But I am lonely. I love people, and this illness cuts me off from them. In the year we’ve lived here, I’ve not met a single person my own age nor have I made any friends. I’m so hungry for face-to-face interaction or any interaction at all that if I think too long on it, I begin to cry. For a while I didn’t really care, because my mother hadn’t gotten a job yet after moving. She does her best to keep me going out and doing things, but I see a lot less of her these days. Mr. NaW is very busy with school and research work, and I get to spend about an hour and a half with him each day – Most of it watching TV. I’m not upset with him about it, because he’s doing what he needs to do in life. We have one car, but I have a lot of trouble getting out by myself still. Every week I say I’m going to go do something, attend a UU service, a community potluck, or some meeting for a group I want to belong to, but by the time comes to do it I never seem to gather the strength required.

Even my friends that I’ve typically talked to on the internet for years and years are all super busy with their lives. We talk once a week if I’m lucky, and it’s nice to have that chance to talk to them even if most of the time I’m just handing over small talk. I hear a lot of ā€œI’m here if you need me,ā€ but I’m getting to the point where I simply no longer believe it. There are other people for them to worry about and they have lives to lead, and while it hurts I understand. I’m getting used to them not being there. We all used to role-play, but since I’m no longer involved with a game I don’t get a chance to indulge in healthy escapism. I miss that. A lot. But I don’t bring it up with them, because at this point I just feel like it would be some sort of charity case for the crazy girl without a life.

And that’s just it… I think that’s where the very core of the pain sits for me. I sit back and watch everyone else have a life, and while most of the time I’m content to fill my days bustling around the house, gardening, teaching myself something, or creating… Well, I just feel like my own life is at a stand-still and what’s holding me back is me. Yet I can’t seem to do anything about it.

To add insult to injury, the key part of my avoidance is brought on by things I recognize are irrational thoughts. I realize that what I’m thinking is crazy, but the more I challenge it, the more I wear down and become unable to fight the discomfort of it all. Medication doesn’t help. And just let me say that being sane enough to realize your having thoughts that aren’t right is actually a lot more troubling than being absolutely delusional since you’re aware.

It is easy to sit back without experience with this illness and suggest a person needs to cultivate a stronger ā€œfuck itā€ attitude, but the very basis of social anxiety is the fear of being judged by others. That’s not just an attitude you can magically develop just because you want to. Personally I don’t think it’s a 100% healthy attitude for anyone to have, but my view may be skewed.

It’s also easy to suggest I get into therapy again. However, despite this situation being the most horrible, humbling experience I can come up with, I still can’t pick up the phone and call for help. Trust me, I’ve tried.

So… That is where I’m at. I had a fabulous couple of weeks despite being lonely. What goes up eventually must come down. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see when things go up again for me.

American Culture?

I cringe a little when I’m told Americans don’t have a culture or worse yet our culture is Consumerism. Yes, modern mainstream American culture holds plenty of consumerism and plasticity, but you guys… We have culture. Historically as a melting pot, we have lots of culture. We may not have quite as long a history as our European brothers and sisters as a nation, but those of us with European ancestry do, in fact, share parts of their culture with them. But as Americans, we do have a distinct identity, and you can either spend your time being apologetic about the not so great things about it (Hopefully keeping in mind there’s no such thing as a perfect history or culture) or you can decide to embrace the good parts of it and actively work to help change the things that you don’t care for.

It’s easy to assume by looking at history that every single person in an era subscribed to the culture of their time. We assume that all of Victorian England was sexually repressed, for instance, when actually looking at the history of the era tells us otherwise. Rome gets written off as decadent despite quite a bit of historical literature giving us the story of the people believing in a modest life. Writing off Americans then as consuming, shallow a-holes is right in the same vein of thinking. But personally I think it’s a little lazy and close-minded to simply make that sort blanket statement.

I am a Midwesterner. I come from a tiny part of the country called Little Dixie, historically it was overrun by Southerners who brought their culture with them, and so I’ve got this weird mishmash of Northern/Southern cultural identity that leaves no one wanting to claim me. My mother also claims that I’m a throw-back to the way older generations think and do things – Something practical, frugal, and modest. But the number of simple living, homesteading, homemaking, and DIY blogs out there tell me that I’m not the only one.

All of these things are part of our culture as Americans. Being from the Midwest, the vast majority of my ancestors were farmers. The first thing most of them did when getting to the Midwest was start a farm – Some which were held for generations. Up until my generation, everyone in my family lived on a farm. While things like churning butter have gone by the wayside, the food has stayed the same – A proper breakfast is so hearty that half the time after eating it you just want to go back to bed, which comes from needing the energy to be out working your butt off all day on the farm.

Our summer festivals, our regional food dishes, our reaching out to help our neighbors… All part of our culture. State fairs. Soda pop (be it for better or worse). Pop culture (once again for better or worse). This is all culture. All cultures have these things, it’s just that a country based on religious freedom (and sometimes floundering at it) has put a very secular spin on it… But then again, history tends to ignore the mainstream movement of societies to focus on big events, movers and shakers, and larger trends.

Pompeii had food buffets sort of like our American Chinese buffets, but you don’t read about that in a general history book. Well, sort of like ours… We are a bit puritanical, so murals of Priapus simply wouldn’t fly. And yet the vast majority (at least in the Midwest) probably wouldn’t blink at a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall near the salad bar.

I’m not all about consumerism either, but I feel like if we just use it as a cop out and excuse as to why Americans are lacking culture, we’re letting consumerism win. Maybe my domestic, practicality-based belief system has forced me to understand that there are good things about us Americans both historically and presently. Save for what seems to be a generational sense of entitlement and a disturbing trend of narcissism that’s actually showing up in psychological studies, for the most part I think we’re alright folk. And I think that these stereotypes we don’t like can be changed – That change starts with working on ourselves.

Most people hate stereotypes, so quit stereotyping your own people. Live within your ethical convictions and others will take notice. Discuss things with them, and you may just help the change along. Look around and realize that Americans are not all bad, and the culture we have exists if you’re willing to look for it while standing in the middle of it.

Note: I guess I’m apparently a little bit more patriotic than I realized… Weird. I’ll wave my hand around dismissively and say something about loving the people of my country but not the government since I’m so left that I feel liberal is too conservative at times.

The 2011 EWG’s Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen

Very few people will argue that organic produce is better for you than produce obtained from commercial farming. At our home, we’re on a very limited budget for food of around $30 a week for two adults right now, but that budget does fluctuate throughout the year. Fortunately, we keep to a vegetarian diet at home (I eat meat when someone else is kind enough to fix it for me) unless we have company. If we were eating meat, we wouldn’t be able to get by on that little.

We eat seasonal as much as we can, because doing so cut down costs and doesn’t support shipping things like tomatoes from other countries.

We eat local produce as much as we can, which in the summer is actually easier and more enjoyable than going to the grocery store. I’m not sure when the last time I bought food for us at a conventional grocery store was, because most of our food is currently coming from the farmer’s market or a CSA share we belong to. When I go to pick up my CSA, I grab up flour, milk and the other necessities I can’t get at farmer’s market at a tiny grocery store that only sells locally-produced products and a few carefully selected organics from not within our state.

We also eat as organic as possible, which admittedly isn’t easy when we’re stretching the dollar, though the price of organic food is actually more realistic and fair to the farmers that produce it. Most of your local farmers would likely tell you that conventional farming doesn’t pay a living wage.

Still I sometimes have to choose to obtain certain things from the grocery store, and they aren’t organic due to cost. We do what we can, but we’re committed to not owning credit cards to buy our necessities with.

For those of you who are like me, you can still buy a mix of organic and non-organic produce. When I have to buy conventional, I stick to the Environmental Working Group’s Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 lists. Things on the Dirty Dozen list are the produce for the year that they’re finding the highest concentration of pesticides (and sometimes unapproved ones! Yikes!) on, and the Clean 15 are the least chemical-laden. This is even after being washed and peeled.

This is the Dirty Dozen List for 2011: Apples, celery, strawberries, peaches, spinach, nectarines (imported), grapes (imported), sweet bell peppers, potatoes, blueberries (domestic), lettuce, kale/collard greens. I personally ad #13 to the list, which is cilantro, because that’s a big one for unapproved chemicals this year (33?Ā  Really cilantro farmers?Ā  Really?)


The Clean 15 List for 2011: Onions, sweet corn, pineapples, avocadoes, sweet peas (frozen), mango, eggplant, cantaloupe (domestic), kiwi, cabbage, watermelon, sweet potatoes, grapefruit, mushrooms, and winter squash.

Here is a link to a basic article on this year’s list

Get the full scoop from the EWG’s website

So what about you?Ā  Do you stick to lists like this to help you make decisions in shopping?Ā  Are you organic or death?Ā  I’d love to hear about your rules for grocery shopping.

The Gods Answered My Slightly Existential Crisis… Part One

Years ago, I corresponded with a psychic from London. At the time, I thought about going into social work, and I asked her if that was the direction I was meant to go in. The answer I got back was that I would end up working to help people, because by the time I got to it the system would be so broken that it would need me. After years of struggling with my own mental health issues, I decided perhaps it would be too hard on me.

Then came a calling to ministry a few years later, which I still believe is a calling I’m supposed to heed. However, Pagan ministry is obviously not an easy calling, and originally my thought on Unitarian Universalist ministry has long since passed due to problems within their system I simply couldn’t endure.

In all my time, in everything I’ve wanted to do with my life, it’s always been about helping people. I’m rocked down to my very core by the urge to help, to teach, to lead by example on a regular basis.

The beginning of the year began with questions about my future. Astrologically, I’m coming to the last part of my Saturn Return, and I turn 30 in September. It disturbed me that, having always been a very goal-oriented person, I suddenly found myself with very vague goals that had no way to build upon them.

Things shifted in February, though. I have a baker’s dozen posts half-finished about my life and trying to make sense of it all starting from January and running until just last week. I’m still trying to make sense of where the journey has led me and the journey itself, but in April things slowly started to clear for me. The weird compulsions and vague ideas started cementing into something solid – Specifically, I began thinking that perhaps I was meant to be a farmer.

At the beginning of May, I received a link in a newsletter pointing me to an amazing educational opportunity – One that would help me build a business plan for a farming venture and get out into the world to see how others are running farms throughout the country. It’s virtually free for me to take these classes, travel both in and out of state, and get feedback on my plans for a business.

For 24 hours, I agonized over putting in an application or not. I talked to my loved ones about this chance and applying. My friend, Daniel, put it a little into perspective for me – If this is what I’m meant to do, despite openly admitting to having virtually no practical knowledge at this point, I’d get in. So I put in my request to the Gods – If farming is what I’m meant to do, please let me get into this program so I know.

That night I sent in my application. The next day I got a note saying I’d hear back when the deadline at the end of May had passed. I went about my business learning what I can and signing up for a few extra classes during that time, because I saw no point in missing out on them in the event I got into the program. There’s been a lot of dreaming things up and keeping my hands in the dirt.

I worried. And I fretted. Then I would chastise myself over worrying and fretting, which is really just doubting that you’ll be provided for. And all the while I kept talking to the Gods, saying I needed a clear sign of purpose. I’ve wanted to do a lot in my life, but at this age I find myself getting more worried about actually doing something.

Things rolled in and out of the information I was getting. A lot of articles on food ethics and the opinions of farmers in Roman society kept coming up. The deadline passed by, and I started feeling a deep anxiety in the pit of my stomach. What if I wasn’t accepted? Then what? Was it just a hurdle to jump, and should I apply later? Should I keep on this path? How the heck did I even get to this point? I checked my email with the nervousness of waiting for the call back after a first date, and I started scurrying out to my mailbox just in case they sent me information through mail.

So two Tuesdays ago, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went outside, looked up at the sky, and said aloud (I never say anything aloud!), ā€œI can’t take this anymore. I have to know if I was accepted or not. Please, I’m begging you, just let me know if I got in or not. I’ll go from there.ā€

I came inside. I wandered around a little. I got a soda, and I sat down to check my email. According to Mr. NaW, the sound I made at that point was a cross between a final breath and a cow giving birth. The email was sitting there in my mailbox. I’d been accepted. I’d gotten my answer. The Gods are kind and good!

More on this later… The hows, whats, etc. I’m just sick of writing 15 pages and then not publishing them for everyone to see.  It’s one in the morning, so I guess this is just Part One.

White Buffalo Calf Born in Texas & Scientists Trap Anti-Matter

The summer heat has rendered me unable to put together coherent thoughts.  Therefore, you are getting videos and links today.

1. A white buffalo calf was born in Texas in May showing all the proper markings for it to be one of the sacred animals of prophecy.

I’m interested in what this guy has to tell us.  He is seriously adorable, too.

A little more on the White Buffalo Prophecy and the outlook on it…

2.  And finally, Cora over at The Iconoclastic Domina, recently talked about dark matter and soil in relation to The Emerald Tablet (Cora, if you read this, please hit me if I paraphrased this incorrectly!).  Well, yesterday scientists were able to trap anti-matter for 15 or so minutes for the first time, which means they will be studying it soon.  Living with a physicist, I seem to latch onto these things that I admittedly don’t fully understand with interest, so I thought I would share…  Because on a gut level, without being capable of being eloquent about it today, I see it as an extension of “As Above, So Below,” too.