American Paganism

March: A Modern Fasti

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 2 Comments

This is my attempt at putting down what we practice and celebrate in my household.  As one that holds cultus for Apollon, some Hellenic days slip into the mix for both Him and His family. You will also note the incorporation of modern holidays, veneration of historical figures, and personal rites tied to the seasons where I live that embrace the agricultural cycle (as opposed to the solar seasonal).

These will be hyperlinked as soon as they are posted for those who have found this later.

Each of these days will posted on their actual date or shortly thereafter depending on my home schedule.

 

fasti

March (Martius) is considered by most to be the beginning of the Roman religious calender. It is named after Mars, the Father of Rome, and many of the traditional festivals of the month center around Mars and his myth.

  • Kalends March 1st– First day of the month, with rites performed for Juno and Janus
  • Die natalis of Mars, March 1st – Birthday of Mars
  • Matronalia, March 1st – Celebration of mothers and wives, with rites to Juno Lucina
  • Nones, March 7th – Honoring Juno, the Lares, and the Penates
  • Ides, March 15th – Honoring Jupiter
  • Liberalia, March 17th – Festival of Liber Pater and Libera
  • Northward Equinox/First Seeds, March 20/21st – Planting the first seeds of the Spring/Summer garden
  • Final Day, March 30th – Honoring Hecate

Why My Blog is No Longer I’m Not a Wiccan

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 8 Comments

After 5 sporadic years of writing on this blog under the name I’m Not a Wiccan, I have decided to change its name. When I started blogging, I had problems finding others like me. It actually has taken me years to search out the pockets of people who believe much like I do. And in 2011 when the major Polytheist versus Pagan linguistic debate started, I decided to continue calling myself a Pagan.

These days I find myself using both terms interchangeably, but since I talk more with self-identifying polytheists, I tend to use that term more and more. Especially since swinging further into a Roman-influenced practice.

I, personally, am bored with the debate. I see a lot of hate being spewed forth by those who are loudest and, for one reason or another, have been allowed to be considered our leaders. These people are not my leaders. These people do not speak for me.

They may use the same terms I lazily use for myself, but they don’t even represent the vast majority of us milling about on the internet – Those of us who are too busy doing the work that so many of them are apt to scream we need to do. These “leaders” are not my people any more than the Neo-Pagans, Wiccans, etc.

Recently I was told by the Gods I serve that it was time for me to speak more on the tradition we’ve been building together, and this is what I plan to do. I am more concerned with my own work and spiritual practice than I am in joining the game of More-Devoted-Than-Thou and whatever general holy roller nonsense that we as a community have allowed to leak in, take control, and poison of our faiths. And this is happening on all sides.

It’s elitism.

I’m not an elitist.

I’m an Apollonian, and I hold the belief that we’re all on our own paths to excellence. I’m no better than the next person. I’m a stone that’s still being polished.

I want temples and social services for our people. I want things to actually change for the better. I don’t have time to sit around debating after this long about polytheism versus paganism, hard versus soft, devotional versus whatever. These debates are typically not even of the thelogical nature, and they’re designed to build a “us versus them” drama that is constantly fueled by ill-concealed hate and the need to be better than someone else. They are the debates that never end. They are debates that take us away from the real issues at hand.

Who cares? What are you doing for the community beyond stirring the pot and making money off of us? Why should I enable your histrionic narcissism?

And so while the address to my blog will still hold the term “Not A Wiccan” in it, I feel it’s time to retire the name. I don’t feel that what I’m not should define me any more than I think what other people do in their private, religious life is any of my business.

There is nothing wrong with being a Wiccan. I have a lot to thank the Wiccan community for, because it’s a lot easier these days to say I’m Pagan and not get my life threatened, which has sadly happened more than once in my nearly 20 years as an open Pagan/Polytheist.

I refuse to add to the nastiness, even with the smallest detail – And so my blogs name must change. Be the change you wish to see, right? Right.

Apollon… Lord Overseeing My Compost Pile

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 12 Comments

Recently, I’ve had a run in with one of the local spirits in my area. He requested that I focus on composting as an offering to him. I have been combing my memory and sources for a Roman god of compost. Sterquilinus comes to mind, but he is more a god of fertilization and manure.

And while it isn’t Apollon that has requested it in this situation that I am working with, I began considering what I have been noticing within my circle of Hellenic or Apollonian friends. More than one of us have been called to work our land as homesteaders and farmers. This might not seem strange with that single statement, but all have also received some dream or message that we are also to build temples to Apollon.

This year you will find me talking a lot about working with local gods… About finding some sort of syncretism with the world and culture we live in to help birth the Gods into our modern lives instead of honoring The Immortal Ones in a tradition that, for the most part, has not had a chance to step fully out of the history books… Traditions that have many people fully comfortable with leaving their faiths exactly where they were when they fell from common practice.

I have been considering the American Apollon, or at the very least the Midwestern Apollon (offered ranch dressing on iceburg lettuce and fried Oreos on a stick during the state fair? I kid, I kid… Kind of?). He is clearly wishing to be an agricultural deity once again. He is not the sun here; he is not Phoebus… For the sun is under the care of Sol in my religious life.

In myth, Apollon’s agricultural side was that of a mouse that brought the plague… Here, in my world, He is still a god of purification. While I was sitting here musing over who would be the God or Goddess of Compost, it struck me as all too obvious. It would, indeed, be Apollon.

For He is the God of Decay. He is the God of Rot. He purifies and restores all matter. He breaks down the dead plant parts, cardboard, and whatnots, changing it into the very thing that life starts and thrives in.

This is but a half-thought… Something that I started writing last night after musing upon it and coming to this revelation to myself. I am amused that I had never realized it before. So there it is in the even someone else can use this personal gnosis for their own.

American Culture?

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 1 Comment

I cringe a little when I’m told Americans don’t have a culture or worse yet our culture is Consumerism. Yes, modern mainstream American culture holds plenty of consumerism and plasticity, but you guys… We have culture. Historically as a melting pot, we have lots of culture. We may not have quite as long a history as our European brothers and sisters as a nation, but those of us with European ancestry do, in fact, share parts of their culture with them. But as Americans, we do have a distinct identity, and you can either spend your time being apologetic about the not so great things about it (Hopefully keeping in mind there’s no such thing as a perfect history or culture) or you can decide to embrace the good parts of it and actively work to help change the things that you don’t care for.

It’s easy to assume by looking at history that every single person in an era subscribed to the culture of their time. We assume that all of Victorian England was sexually repressed, for instance, when actually looking at the history of the era tells us otherwise. Rome gets written off as decadent despite quite a bit of historical literature giving us the story of the people believing in a modest life. Writing off Americans then as consuming, shallow a-holes is right in the same vein of thinking. But personally I think it’s a little lazy and close-minded to simply make that sort blanket statement.

I am a Midwesterner. I come from a tiny part of the country called Little Dixie, historically it was overrun by Southerners who brought their culture with them, and so I’ve got this weird mishmash of Northern/Southern cultural identity that leaves no one wanting to claim me. My mother also claims that I’m a throw-back to the way older generations think and do things – Something practical, frugal, and modest. But the number of simple living, homesteading, homemaking, and DIY blogs out there tell me that I’m not the only one.

All of these things are part of our culture as Americans. Being from the Midwest, the vast majority of my ancestors were farmers. The first thing most of them did when getting to the Midwest was start a farm – Some which were held for generations. Up until my generation, everyone in my family lived on a farm. While things like churning butter have gone by the wayside, the food has stayed the same – A proper breakfast is so hearty that half the time after eating it you just want to go back to bed, which comes from needing the energy to be out working your butt off all day on the farm.

Our summer festivals, our regional food dishes, our reaching out to help our neighbors… All part of our culture. State fairs. Soda pop (be it for better or worse). Pop culture (once again for better or worse). This is all culture. All cultures have these things, it’s just that a country based on religious freedom (and sometimes floundering at it) has put a very secular spin on it… But then again, history tends to ignore the mainstream movement of societies to focus on big events, movers and shakers, and larger trends.

Pompeii had food buffets sort of like our American Chinese buffets, but you don’t read about that in a general history book. Well, sort of like ours… We are a bit puritanical, so murals of Priapus simply wouldn’t fly. And yet the vast majority (at least in the Midwest) probably wouldn’t blink at a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall near the salad bar.

I’m not all about consumerism either, but I feel like if we just use it as a cop out and excuse as to why Americans are lacking culture, we’re letting consumerism win. Maybe my domestic, practicality-based belief system has forced me to understand that there are good things about us Americans both historically and presently. Save for what seems to be a generational sense of entitlement and a disturbing trend of narcissism that’s actually showing up in psychological studies, for the most part I think we’re alright folk. And I think that these stereotypes we don’t like can be changed – That change starts with working on ourselves.

Most people hate stereotypes, so quit stereotyping your own people. Live within your ethical convictions and others will take notice. Discuss things with them, and you may just help the change along. Look around and realize that Americans are not all bad, and the culture we have exists if you’re willing to look for it while standing in the middle of it.

Note: I guess I’m apparently a little bit more patriotic than I realized… Weird. I’ll wave my hand around dismissively and say something about loving the people of my country but not the government since I’m so left that I feel liberal is too conservative at times.

The Death of an Enemy and the Ghost of Another

~ Camilla Laurentine

(Note: This was written when I should be sleeping, so please excuse rambling, typos, misspellings, and generally wackiness.  I should probably wait until I sleep to post things, but what would be the fun in that?)

Yesterday was International Pagan Coming Out Day. I was going to talk about it, but between my body declaring it International Stay In Bed Day and all this bin Laden junk I sort of lost sight of where I stand on being out.

It’s funny to me how the whole Pagan Coming Out Day and bin Laden’s death sort of melded together for me into one giant bucket of yuck. I made the personal choice not to draw attention to myself any more than I had to… I’m not exactly in the broom closet, but I wanted to take a moment to let people know what my experience has been like. People who don’t read my blog and probably don’t know it exists. People who are Facebook friends with me…

But then I started reading all the things people were saying about bin Laden. I have my own feelings about the whole deal, but once again I’ve decided that it is easier to just keep my mouth shut while emotions are running high. I will tell you, though, that I am absolutely horrified by the sheer number of times I read “may he rot in hell.”

It’s odd what will re-open old wounds… Apparently for me it was seeing the judging, harsh words of people I have known/know in my life over the death of an enemy.

You see, I was obnoxiously out about my new found religion back in my teenage years. I didn’t have much to lose then, and I was rightfully prone to outrage over people not accepting me for who I was. In a way, that has probably become a piece of my social anxiety. I don’t think I deflected as much as I stored away the bullying and harassment for later in life.

Being out as a teenager didn’t accomplish much of anything… Other than almost 11 years later my high school still has a dress code policy that bans “occult jewelry and make-up.” Way to go, Indianola, Iowa! At some point (when I’m in a better place to revisit the memories), I will talk more about being a Pagan in high school… Today isn’t it.

Today, though, I saw people who battered me with their religious views in the past not practice the compassion their religion asks of them. I saw judgment being passed. I saw lots of God talk. And I don’t know… This little box shoved into the dark corner of my mind was opened, allowing memories of sobbing in anger during the week of graduation, because I simply couldn’t understand how my high school could sanction religious events as a public school while not allowing me to wear a small sign of my faith and being so angry that people were willing to condemn me for my beliefs when I tried my hardest to be a good person.

It’s amazing to realize how much pain is still there for me. Last week, I was told by a spiritual advisor that I needed to let go of the past. I was pretty sure that I had, but apparently I’ve just pushed it pretty deep instead. It kind of makes me nervous to think what else may be lurking underneath the surface.

I’m in an odd place. Knowing that I am walking the path of healing myself so that I may go into ministry without finding myself crumbling, I have to stop and screw up my face over the absolute fear of being judged by people. About a month ago, though, I quietly changed my Facebook religious view statement from Unitarian Universalist to Eclectic Pagan. This may seem slightly minor, but I’m Facebook friends with my grandmother… Who has on more than one occasion said some very, um… Disconcerting things in regards to her totalitarian view of religion… Involving but not limited to my having a hole only Jesus can fill.

I also had the International Pagan Coming Out Day icon as my photo on Facebook for a few days… So right. Not really in the closet for the most part? But I wanted to share a bit more of myself with those willing to pay attention…

You know… Until bin Laden’s death reminded me that sometimes the people I know and/or love can be really judgmental, mean, and lacking in compassionate thinking… Or at the very least lacking in the ability to keep from publicly showing it.

My heart is broken over it all. I think, at least for tonight/today, I’ll blame it on hormones. The block of cheese and half a bag of pretzels I just consumed while writing this, the cramps that are plaguing me, and the fatigue I’m experiencing may very well back me up on this one.

I think all I can do tonight is go to bed, say my prayers and a few extra, and pass out.

(Haha, I said block of cheese and back me up in the same sentence!)

So. That was my International Pagan Coming Out Day… Did you do anything for the day? Did you blog about it – Either in support of or in criticism against it? Please share with me! I’m really curious about how things went and how the entire concept was received by the general populace but also the Pagan community!