polytheist

Deathwork Training Update

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 4 Comments

Slowly but surely, I am getting further along in my death midwife and home funeral certification.  However, my health is still incredibly unstable, and I’m finding myself at an average of 3 doctor appointments a week.  I’m seeing 8 specialists in various disciplines along with a cognitive-behavioral therapist, because who wouldn’t need a therapist when suddenly medical care has become a full-time job?  Yesterday I got the news that brain surgery to place a shunt in was onthe table if medication didn’t keep my symptoms stable.  And that, if I don’t go into remission, I may end up with a shunt anyway. Meanwhile, despite every doctor I’ve seen telling me what a good attitude I have about the fact I have 2 rare diseases and basically the body of a 60-year-old in my 30s,  along with my therapist saying she wished I could go to her group sessions in order to be an example of managing things in a healthy manner, I keep getting told to remain hopeful and positive I will get better by others.  One of my diseases is progressive and will actually get worse as I age.  The brain disease, idiopathic intracranial hypertension or pseudotumor cerebri, has no medication, no treatment, and very little research done specifically for it.  The word idiopathic means they have no idea why my brain is producing too much spinal fluid.  I am pretty resigned to dealing with this my entire life; it’s a better place to be really surprised and happy when things get radically better than to expect the best and have none of it go that way.  When you are 1 in 100,000 people to get a rare disease with no cure, it really is best to go with realistic but willing to do whatever it takes than to be seriously depressed and angry with the universe when suddenly you find yourself headed towards the option of debilitating pain and blindness or brain surgery that doesn’t always fix a problem.  I smile.  I laugh.  I do my best to find fulfilling things to replace my old passions I can no longer do (large-scale gardening, for instance).

I get into this here, because a lot of people donated to me and in turn allowing me to do this training.  None of this current brain-related health issue was in my life when I signed up for the educational program I’m taking, and I’m still dreadfully behind on things promised as rewards for those who donated generously to my education because of it.  There’s a lot of guilt there, because I hate not being able to carry through with it at this point.  I feel like those who donated should be made aware of where I am with all of it…  Which is not as far as I hoped to be.

However, I am pushing through with what I am capable of doing…  Reading, writing, taking the class modules I have to get through, and researching.

After NaNoWriMo in November, I will be setting out to really dig into writing a book on postmortem and funeral rites for the Polytheist community.  I plan on trying to give a summary of historical practices in various civilizations, covering body care and resources for those wishing to embark on a complete home funeral, helping the reader create a funeral that meets both their religious and secular needs inside or outside of a larger community…  Along with an idea for inter-faith help within our local communities and resources for legal questions or further help outside of a religious community.

I am hoping to have it fully ready for publication by the end of next year, though depending on how things go in my own life that’s really a pretty ambitious deadline.  It’s where I am right now.

Reblog: E Nos Lases Iuvate: Si vis pacem…

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 3 Comments

Preparation in time of peace, when it seems that everything runs smoothly and nothing seems to trouble us, means to achieve those tools – through study, practice of otium, care of the spirit, martial arts, the agricultural/gardening activities, walk in the way of meditation, spiritual exercises – necessary to deal with adversity. It is obvious that it is not an easy and simple path. It takes a lot of effort because the precondition for achieving the Pax Deorum is first resolve your own “inner war.” We must first be prepared to dominate our inner chaos, our agitation if we are to achieve spiritual peace. Inner peace is a precondition for peace outside. Unpreparedness introduces us into a state of war in which we will be surely defeated.

via E Nos Lases Iuvate: Si vis pacem….

 

I loved this entire article and wanted to share it.  I don’t feel that this is the only spiritual path towards being able to attain this, but this is an outlook I encourage others to explore for themselves in their own practice.  A solid foundation in the face of adversity through practice of what you are called to cultivate with the Gods and Spirits is a true gift that is attainable through dedication and strength of purpose even during the easy points in life.

Who are Our American Gods?

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 6 Comments

I’ve been pondering this question a lot lately, rolling it over in my head.  The Roman answer would be that the local spirits are Genii, Lares, and Manes.  We have Columbia, who came from Libertas, but is Her own Goddess despite some discomfort of the origin of her name.

But none of this sits well with me.  To say it’s not enough isn’t quite right, but I think I want more than this generic naming and placing of the spirits I encounter here within the context of a historically European religion.

I can sit and study all day the religions of the Native Americans, but those religions are not something I am working into my own tradition even if we recognize and honor the Dead, trying to atone on some spiritual level for what my white Ancestors might have done on this soil.  I have that generic 1/16th Cherokee that can’t be proven.  My father raised me with some specific beliefs from a couple tribes, not appropriated, but learned from someone claiming membership to said tribes (in a time before the great New Age appropriation started).  They are practiced in my home, but it will never be something I teach outside of our own family cultus.  It isn’t mine to teach.

So I face the great American mutt dilemma, possibly a very historically Roman one, and I find myself looking around at the world around me that is the New World going Now what?  Do I box these spirits into the confines of Roman Syncretism, knowing very well how much we know about how Gods didn’t exactly mesh correctly even back then?  Do I relate to these Gods as Apollon?  As Odin?  As Someone else?

I suppose I could, but something in the pit of my stomach tells me that’s not the way I should be going with this.  This is not what They want of me.  We carry the Gods of the Old World in our hearts and spirit, but how do I find a way for them to historically relate to America?  How to I make them current?

And this is the time of year where I say I don’t.  I can’t.  I won’t.  This is the time of the River for me.  It’s time for me to visit with the Missouri River, giving offerings and thanks.  Sitting down with the Entity that whispered to me “Welcome home,” realizing that it was the place of my blood.  Each river has its own Spirit or God connected to it, and this one is large and powerful.  This one is a God.  And it has been here longer than the religions of man.

What do I call the God of the railroads that were the lifeblood of the West, which rose in greatness and then fell into obscurity…  And yet this Midwestern Spiritworker living in the heart of Katy Country can’t help but feel the chill run through her as she watches a train cross across the fields of corn in a river bottom.  There’s a God there.  What is Its name?

Who are the Mountains?

Who are the Plains?

Why do the European myths fall short to me while the myths of the Americas feel like they are not mine to touch?  Why are we so complacent, complaining that Americans have no cultures like the romanticized Europeans, but falling into the grooves of ancient religions that don’t fit quite right in the space we’re in now?

Why do I sometimes feel like I’m about to shoot off into the space of birthing something new?  Why can’t I simply be at peace and ease with where I’ve been all of these years?

Someone whispers to me, “Inertia is death.  And I am the hand that pushes you.”

I have a good feeling I know Who it is.

Fall Equinox Conversations at the Foxglove House

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 5 Comments

Background: Mr Foxglove is an agnostic humanist.  He is pro-raising our children Polytheist/Pagan as long as we stress that it’s the duty in our life to help our fellow man simply because it’s the right thing to do instead of where we go afterwards, which obviously fits in with my worldview perfectly.  After this many years, though, Mr Foxglove has developed some rather peculiar Pagan outlooks on things and is in complete denial about it…  I am starting to record them, because while it’s maddening to me, it’s kind of hilarious at the same time.

Today’s conversation thus far…

Mr Foxglove: Hey, what are we going to do for the Fall Equinox?

Camilla: I hadn’t really planned on much for the family this year.  My tradition states this is when Apollon begins his journey towards Hyperborea for the winter, so prayers and offerings for that.

Mr Foxglove: Heh.  Apollon goes to Florida for the winter…

Camilla: No!  He goes to Hyper- Actually, that’s pretty accurate.

Prayer for Apollon

~ Camilla Laurentine

I’m so excited to see the first prayer out! This was written in payment for my first oracular service I held today. The next call will be put out on October 4th. Thank you to everyone who contacted me this month.

Sage's avatarSage and Starshine

I wrote this prayer as gratitude and in payment for an oracle given to me by Camilla over at Foxglove and Firmitas. My experience with Apollon is fairly limited (thought certainly worth its own post at some point), though I continually find myself thankful for how His children, spouses, and devotees seem to keep cropping up in my life.

This prayer is specifically licensed through Creative Commons to allow anyone to use, modify, and/or share the text so long as they also allow others the same privilege and so long as credit eventually comes back to me. This is my gift for Apollon and His people, whoever they may be.

Sweet Apollon, I lift to you a breath of thanks
I bask in Your holy light and terrible love
There is trembling and fear in Your presence
Quickly morphing to barely understood awe.

Brother to Artemis, may Your aim…

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A Renewal of Vows

~ Camilla Laurentine

DSC01109[1]
A new turibulum (incense burner) for the occasion.
August 7th is coming quickly now.  Time slipped by as it tends to do in my world.  But August 7th is an important date in my own religious calender…

It’s the anniversary of my vows to Apollon.  He and I have been together in this relationship we have for 8 years now…  8 years?  Has it really been that long?

This year, though, I was told it was time to renew our vows.

I have, admittedly, been avoiding thinking of my actual vows.  It’s not that I am avoiding this situation, but it’s just that even after all this time I sometimes feel the immensity and weight of having Him be part of my life at this level.  How did this come about?  When did this start?

I’m not sure I really have answers to those questions.

And what do I want out of it?  That’s what He wants to know with this…  All of this time, we’ve been working on what He wants for us and me.  Now He wants to know what I want of Him…

That’s not an easy question to answer.  Me, who regularly doesn’t know exactly what she wants of her life on a very basic level anyway.  I prefer to dream and plan before blindly feeling my way through the actual execution of that.

I can’t do that this time.

This isn’t to say I’m not excited and happy.  This is a joyous occasion!

But just like a mortal marriage, it’s a contract that isn’t to be entered into lightly.

The shrine is slowly being prepared.  I was given the gift of resin incense and a beautiful turibulum (burner) today by my mother.

So here we go.  Countdown to the 7th.

There will be pictures to come, I’m sure.

Some Thoughts on Immersive Polytheism

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 8 Comments

(Edit: I have no idea how comments got turned off on this one!  Sorry if you were wanting to discuss.  It is supposed to be a discussion, after all!)

If you don’t have 20 minutes to watch the video or just prefer the written word, I’ve decided to write something to go with the video.  It’s the same points, but you can see how my brain actually does better with written word than speaking.  They’re complimentary but not fully the same…

“Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence, and nothing too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

First of all, I want to deeply apologize if I offended anyone or led anyone to believe that my earlier videos were an attempt to draw the line in the sand or create a schism. That was not my intention. These being my first videos and desperately out of practice with public speaking, I may slip from time-to-time and not fully be able to examine the possible consequences of my words. I hope that as I get more comfortable and less nervous with speaking instead of just writing, I will become more mindful in the moment of what I am saying.

I’m delighted that people are picking up on this term and finding meaning in it for their own practices. I do not expect anyone to do so. Personally I call myself an Immersive Polytheist, because this is my focus. This is what was asked of me by Apollon when He made Himself fully known in my life. For me this has come out of a more ecstatic practice as a way to hold that same communion with the Gods in a more controlled manner due to lifestyle change…

I had a baby. I don’t feel in my own life that attempting regular deep trance and using ethnogens is a safe place for me to be in right now. While I am deeply interested in said subjects and continue with an intellectual study of them, I am currently placed more firmly in a more moderate point in my path… I do not really care for the term “mundane” with my own work. While the actions may seem very earthly and unremarkable, when placed within a spiritual context one can find their daily tasks anything but dull or void of the Gods.

So I return to the concept of walking, or in my own background that of walking meditation. Any point in the day, especially the repetitive, boring tasks, can be used as a centering vehicle to quiet our minds and tap into a greater experience. Routine work, especially housework, can be turned into a ritual that allows us to commune comfortably and easily with our Gods.

My life is filled with immersive practices like this. This is very much a monastic life filled with contemplation, though clearly it is not a path of extreme asceticism. It can be quiet. It can be peaceful. This is a fantastic tool with the my role as a spirit worker. I find my life sometimes thrown into chaos by the Work I’m asked to do… The gift of immersion, then, is that I am capable of returning to center and moving to stabilize my entire home and family as quickly as I am able.

I was a spirit worker before I was a mother and a wife. With careful balance, I have been blessed with the ability to maintain equilibrium that allows me to continue on with my Work, albeit at a sometimes slower pace. And this is one of the gifts I hope the current conversations will bring about in our community. You do not have to be one or the other. You can be both if you assemble the correct tools for yourself.

I have also found another place in my own life where Immersive Polytheism has been a true blessing: Art. I’ve been an artist my entire life. In the past, when I was experiencing ecstatic moments that could be classified as hypomania, I was able to tap into energy level that was very useful to the creative process. As I’ve grown, changed, and discovered a few medically-based causes to what easily swung into destructive parts of my life, I found that I was no longer tapping into that pure ecstatic place with creating. However, with my cultivating a more meditative practice, I’ve learned that I’m capable of entering a light trance while working that leaves me able to return to that original creative madness in a much more controlled, less personally destructive manner. This is much more in tune with my home life in that I am able to then balance a divinely-inspired creative practice while still meeting the needs of my family.

I also partially chose the term Immersive, because I believe that the Work I do is an important set of tools for the future. I have a larger goal in assembling these tools and practicing them in a clear manner: I am trying to demonstrate my living religion and its traditions to my daughter in hopes that when she finds herself at a point in her life where she is evaluating her own faith and values, she has had a strong Polytheist foundation to hopefully hold up against other sources that may be influencing her in her life. We simply don’t have enough people at this point talking about this on a practical level.

You see, I’m lucky in that my tradition is heavily Roman. I have a lot more primary sources than other traditions. Still, the problem of the Roman sources is that sometimes in the middle of a great description of a rite, you’ll find the words “done in the typical manner.” Since the Romans were born into an orthopraxic religion, they knew what the typical manner was. There was no need to explain it. Sadly for us, we’re left to fill in the blanks.

In order to return to these practices and values, I have to fill in the blanks if I want to reach my goal: To raise children who are immersed in a living Polytheist religion to the point where the rituals, values, and traditions are so ingrained that there is no need for categories or definitions… There just is their Gods and their faith.

So this world I live in with my religious life may seem utterly mundane and boring to some, but the truth is that I am working on bringing up the next generation of polytheist. I am not more special than the next person who is doing other types of Work. But just because my practice appears to be nothing special to the outside eye, isn’t my work as a polytheist parent important enough that I may claim a name for my practice and toolbox?

Finally, I want to return back to the labeling of this practice and the need to categorize these things. To me, personally, I feel there is a need for it in order to achieve a common vernacular in our community.

On a very, very basic level, it makes it easier for those seeking information, those who are trying to learn, to find what they are seeking. When I first learned that there was a term being used in our community for having a divine marriage with a God, I was relieved. I still didn’t find much out there on a practical level, but after many years of having a relationship I didn’t have a word for and wondering if there were others out there sharing these types of experiences, I was still able to find I wasn’t alone.

For those just learning about Polytheism in a modern sense, when they are searching for tools and answers they regularly reach for the internet. Finding that common vocabulary, terms that we all use, and being able to access multiple sources and view points due to it is an amazing gift we can give those just coming into the world we’re all neck deep in already.

Looking For Death-Related Prayers and Poems. Help?

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 12 Comments

I’m currently putting together a guidebook for my work as a death midwife, and eventually I would like to be able to offer the non-copyrighted work to others wishing to get into death work in the Polytheist and Pagan community.

I would really, really love to have a collection of prayers, meditations, and beautifully written words to span various traditions and religions.  I would love to have both historical pieces and modern.

Eventually, I’m considering putting together an anthology of modern work on the subject, but if I take on one more project right now I’ll probably drop everything I’m carefully balancing.  However, if you submit something to me now, I would like to know if when I get to the point of putting something together for the community if you’d like to be included.

And in this vein, I’m also looking for soothing pieces.  Pieces to help people transition to their next journey.  Gentle things.

But also prayers for the deceased once they have ceased to be fully in our world.

So can you help me?  Even just links to your favorite hymns?  And would you kindly pass this message on to those who may be able to help?

Thank you!

Asklepieion: My Big Dream

~ Camilla Laurentine ~ 3 Comments

I mentioned in a video that I had been given the charge to build a temple for Apollon, but I realized that I’ve been kind of nervous about talking about what it is that I feel called to accomplish with my life… Partially because I really don’t want to hear the naysayers’ opinions. Partially because I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding the calling towards what I realize I’m meant to be doing in this world… It’s hard to say I have a calling and a vision for my future, that I feel I was placed in this point and time in history because I have Work that I am supposed to do, and not feel like hubris is creeping in.

I talked to my therapist about this the other day. I went back to therapy, because I’m working on social anxiety issues and pain management via cognitive behavioral therapy. But really? CBT is pretty awesome. It aligns with Stoicism and mindfulness. Finding Personal Center and conquering the doubts, fears, and shadows in my own psyche while on relatively equal footing instead of in the middle of mental health emergency is proving to be a really empowering and enjoyable process thus far.

It’s that whole “Know Yourself, y’all” deal that Apollon has driven home to me.

But as I was saying, I talked to my therapist about it the other day. This was a huge deal for me, because I’ve only talked about the Big Dream in bits and pieces to anyone. Never mind that this fantastic woman, truly a modern day healer, who I’m paying to help me untangle the knots holding me back, isn’t Polytheist or Pagan. I have no idea what her beliefs are, other than she wasn’t too keen on the local inter-faith community locally and she’s got friends with children who are Pagan or Polytheist. And yet, we were able to talk Jung, CBT, and the intersection of mental illness and spiritual experience on a neutral place… She got it. She understood where I was coming from, even if I struggle with an elevator speech on what I believe and can talk more easily about what I’m not instead.

She looked at me. She smiled. And she told me, “Your road is lonely.”

She got it.

Each time I’ve talked to someone, even in bits and pieces, I’ve felt a little more brave about putting it all down in one place. So, despite the fact that I have questions I’ve promised to answer, I wanted to take the time to put The Big Dream down in words to share. The Big Dream I’m eventually going to have to have people helping with, because it’s too big to do on my own.  Even if for now it is lonely.

As I’ve said, Apollon has made it clear that He wants me to build Him a temple. It’s not simply a temple where religious services will be held but a place of healing. And not just any healing but spiritual and mental healing specifically.

I think my own life and watching other friends, both in and out of the Pagan and Polytheist communities, struggle with spiritual emergence, spiritual emergencies, and mental illness has led me to understand that this sort of place is needed. We have very few allies we can go to when we find ourselves having experiences we cannot explain. Mystical experiences can be quite close to psychosis, and typically there is no one there to help navigate the person experiencing them that has a firm understanding of how the spiritual, mental, and even physical integrate to make the larger whole.

You may find yourself seeing a therapist or psychiatrist who can help you get leveled and back in control of the situation, but you may find yourself scared to talk to them about the religious part of your experiences due to being branded one of the mental ill, widely stigmatized in our society.

You may find yourself falling into a community where psychiatry is demonized. Even though it may, in the right hands, be a key to help you obtain some relief without removing the underlying spiritual work. And you may find in that situation that your life falls away from you in a way that causes you to lose more than you are willing to give up.

Or, worst of all, you may find yourself unhelped at all and end up dead.

My dream is to build a place, with a trained and professional staff, that brings about equilibrium for those in this situation. Professionals with degrees in social work, psychology, chaplaincy, and so on, to help serve a person transition from mundane existence to a more spiritually-led life. A psychiatrist who is friendly and open to the needs of this type of situation.

The logistics is that, eventually, a live-in religious community of Polytheists and Pagans would develop on the land that the temple would be on. Small individual houses for those who work both the land or with people along with communal space for (optional) shared meals and celebrations. More small quarters for those who are coming to be helped. All surrounding the space that’s dedicated for Apollon’s temple.

Around that would be a sustainable farm using permaculture, including a bee sanctuary and shrines set up in various places throughout the zones. We would offer a training programs for veterans, teaching them both to farm and helping them work through any mental health problems they might have problems with. We would offer internships and a residency program to hopefully help train other professionals to go out into the world and offer services that align with our values.

This serves 2-fold: One, it provides Pagan and Polytheist training. Two, for those who can’t afford the services monetarily, there can be a sliding scale and payment via work that must be done to keep the community thriving.

If I can get enough land, I would like to offer space for natural and green funerals. At the very least, I know that with my current training in being a death worker will be used to serve those who need help dying, though eventually I would like to explore the thought of offering hospice space for those in need.

I’ve had this idea in my head for about a decade now, but it’s only now that I’m starting to think that it’s quite possible I may be able to actually have this happen. It’s only now that I’m brave enough to start talking about it with others

So… There is my Big Dream. When you hear me talk about building at temple for Apollon, this is what I actually mean. When you hear me say that I’m struggling to figure out what I’m going to do education-wise for myself, this is why. This is what I want to make happen. This is what I’m called to do.

 

Study for Future Apollon Piece

Image ~ ~ Camilla Laurentine

Study for Future Apollon Piece

Slowly pulling myself out of the art block that lasted over a decade. I’m currently working on studies for a future piece of Apollon.

I have been putting off drawing Apollon, because my self-confidence to get Him right is does not exist. He has been pushing for it all the same.